On the train home

It has been a long day. Work was more than long and there were times I didn't want to do anything but hug boo. And not do work. But it had to be done. I had to stay late and now I'm on the train to stevenage with my moms bike; she'll carry it from there. 

But the point of writing this was that I was reading  old blog posts and I saw ken on masturbation. And I realized the power I had then  and I'm slowly but surely getting that power back with the help of God. There was one night I really wanted to do it and I had to pray on my bed that I didn't and I didn't! I have fallen since I wrote that post over a year ago. And I regret it. 

But God is an amazing God; He won't leave me alone. And that's good cos I'm needy for Him like that. I'm also so happy that boo is here for me too. It's been 5 days and counting and this time, I will by the grace and power of God, never walk that ground again. 

I'm being open and honest; whether people will judge that, for them business. But also another note: I love boo. I made a poem in Japanese for her. And I loved it. :) 

It's been over 21 months now. I remember the times when I begged and wished with my whole heart for a woman like her: now God saw it fit for us to he together and for this long! I sometimes forget this is my longest relationship ever( it's been that long you see!) 

I don't regret a day with her, good or bad; I rather be with her and let god lead than on my own, craving porn as stuff to full the void. One day, I'll have a wife to go home to and I won't be on my own anymore. 

And since this is my own journal to me, I'm being real. I can't wait to make love to boo. Not just for the physical she is drop dead gorgeous, but as a thanks for all she has done for me and I can't even begin to say thanks. Also it's a thanks to God for giving me someone who loves me for me 100% everyday. She doesn't have to, but she does. :) I'm more than happy; she shares in my joys when she doesn't even enjoy it lol. And because she is selfless like that, I've learned to be so as well, even with my money! (And that's a big one for me!) 

So yea, I'm happy; happy as Larry, whoever he is :) it's sabbath and she isn't with me, but that's  ok because she knows I love her and miss her :) and I know she feels the same :) 

It's good being so confident about someone. I never  thought I could be and I am, so God: a public declaration of thanks to You :) love you so much Lord for giving me the 2nd greatest gift to me, after Jesus, being my Booboo :) 

The start of a Mountain climb... and the summit is nowhere in sight... yet

Yesterday there was a meeting to discuss the amount of work that the team has to do for a client, as there is more than enough for everyone. (In fact, you may say, more than needed lol).

So the meeting spoke of who was doing what and how things were going; it is going to be like this for 3 weeks; heavy going, late nights nearly and lots of effort. It is what is expected. 

Now for me, i like to go home at the time i need to; but Boo let me know, it will make a better impression that I stick it for the team, and if it is inconvenient for me, that is ok. I see what she means, as this will look great on a CV, and also interviews in future; so i need to make a note of the situation and how it was processed by me to maximize this for future jobs. 

So yesterday also was partly full of stress, as i had no idea for a while what to do with the work i was given; headaches raged; tempers within flared; and a lot of praying was done. I also went to the gym, and now i'm sore, so i am happy about that. 

Legs today, so i am looking to that with happiness. 

As for today, I picked up where i left off; but this time, it was different. I had music, which was EPIC. 

And when i say epic, i mean EPIC; think of movie trailers and orchaestras and it comes close to that! Imagine that being in your ears for a good 4 horus, and you see what i mean; i was doing work, and it felt like I was in a movie doing it all! Lol; was quite fun. :) Update: it still is. 

I am learning a lot by being it the deep end like this; but the best time to grow is under all this pressure. Also remembering my principle of accepting not expecting helps. 

So while we are 4 people down at the moment, the CS team is coping and I am making sure i am doing my part to make sure we smash this out of the park and be the best we can be!

A sort of pride to make a good impression on the team and my manager makes me want to do my utmost! or 一生懸命！（isshoukenmei)

It is amazing how music can change the atmosphere just like that! Very marvelous thing, music is! 

So while i have some time, I have been able to write this blog.. I am happy with what i've achieved so far.. 

Still a Long way to go; still a mountain to climb; but God is helping me every step of the way.. So i can feel like this:

While being in front of what seems like this: