just thinking..

about how i mean to God.
i mean i cant fully explain it. but it came to me earlier tonight.
He wants me. for me. even though i did what i did. He wants me.
He never wants to lose me.
He wants me with Him forever, to enjoy rest and enjoyment in eternity.
Eternity is a long time.
sometimes i get scared about eternity; because in this life, nothing last forever, so you get used to it.
but wow.
This earth made new. everything times an immeasurable amount.
and her.
i want her to be there.
with me.
and my family and everyone that i know here.
but that is their choice.
oh how i wish everyone would make it,but alas their choice!
sometimes i wonder what this planet would be like without sin.
well in eternity i can know and i can relax then knowing that sin will never rise again.
you know, in Ecclesiastes, he said that God put eternity in man's heart.
every time i look at something natural, i think about eternity.
wow.
Just wow.

Oh yes!

I was thinking... today..
anyway..
took forever to leave to do due to the bathroom (or me in it, shaving) taking ages..
got to school and forgot had driving lesson so doing it 2moro.
core 3 and 4 are a bit meh at the moment, but not to fear, Mr.C will help me :D
bring on chem exam 2moro! MUHAHAHAHHA
oh wait i need to revise that bit of chromatography..
lol
til next time! :D
and 2moro i will reveal who she is :D <3

i have been thinking

well in truth when dont i?
anyway that isnt the point..
i wanted to do this weight training thing for a while now, and now i want and i will do it.
all the good.
no bad.
seems good.
when i will start is when i get all the equipment. which i will spend no time wasting to get.
its for 2 reasons.
well 3.
1. i want to do it for me.
2. i want to do it for God's glory.
3. i want to do it to have a better body for her.
good enough reasons?
I think so.

starting soon..

i will start my weight training regime =]
and i even got the website that will help me :D
hence all the favs on facebook.
she's was like"am i supposed to be worried?"
i am like "nope".
but you like the result in a years time and such =]
Lord, help me not to quit but to stick to this:D
i used to start before but now i will do it properly.
and the nutrition part i need to talk to my mom about..
thats all.
OH! and my eng lit exam is 2moro!
worship then off to sleep!

Going off..

well heres to a night well spent.

i learned so much.

wished so much.

nothing but hope dominates me.

this world is out to destroy its own people.

everything is geared by Satan to destroy everyone.

but people are ignorant.

this one isnt.

but how do i let people know ?

hopefully they will see this blog..

hopefully.

more to come when i can find the time and words to put it into this..

also i missed her by this much!! =[

darn it !!

=[

I learned a lot today..

day was good. exam was alright..

that isnt the point of this blog.

i found out alot of celebs are freemasons..

and alot about what people's name mean..

very interesting..

Here at school.. revising amongst other things..

today wasnt too bad..
woke up. eventually.
got a message from her..
and its like last night was a severe nightmare, and now i am awake.
good stuff..
anyway today..
saw mr.c in the end to do some core 4. it was good.
got the book i needed to get from Mrs. Palmer. doing some chem revision now.
then home.
should be able 2 go to Rhys' next wednesday. gotta tell Rasheed that..
and missing her sorely..
=[

Sometimes i just wonder..

if i do anything right the first time round..

for the past couple of nights she's been stressed cos of the work she is doing..

thats normal..

but when we talk, i dont always answer quickly, or because i am doing something while talking to her..

which gets on her nerves..

alot.

tonight felt like another chapter in a book i dont want to write, but i seem to be writing.

i dont want to get on her nerves but i seem to when i dont always respond like that..

i didnt get it at first, but now i am starting too.

i can see what she is getting at.

oh boy..

what am i going to do ?

i do have legit reasons why i dont always answer her on the spot. but they arent going to cut ice at times. so i dont say anything.

but i will try to stop doing it; although i am not always sure what i am doing at times.

what a day anyway.

Japanese was good.

did some revision in chem which was good. and will do some math 2moro with Mr. C.

good times.

got 2 weeks worth of ep done in one week =]

first time ever! :D

i dont want to end on a bad note with her tonight.

not tonight.

or any night.

this isnt how it is supposed to go.

how to happen.

its supposed to be like "yay, goodnight" that sorta thing.

not "i am annoyed, but i will talk later".

she isnt in the wrong.

she just wants to get some space by talking to me.

but i dont always respond.

which adds to her stress cos she wants to relieve it by talking to me.

sometimes i wonder why she even wants me at all if all i am doing at the moment is annoying her by not talking as much.

the mind wonders..

Revision time.. Game time..

So much revision to do!

Its crazy really.

But here's the run-down on everything thats happened so far since the last blog:

1. Saw her last Saturday; was absolutely worth the trip there, in more ways than one. =]
2. I now have a new found love for Asda.
3. She looks good in jeans. =]
4. Reeal good.
5. what they said. =]
6. had math exams.
7. studying now for chemistry ones.
8. thought about uni stuff.
9. being with her.
10. doing a lot more of my extended project. more of the writing side of it.
11. thinking about revision and stuff.

so yeah, thats pretty much it. for now anyway. =]

So here i am..

with a cold.. doing chemistry. listening to music.
oh boy.
and not going to japanese tonight because mom said not to.
so i will do it here.
and i miss her..
oh boy..
what a day..
:/

Oh how i am loved.

As i sat down to eat, i thought of my day.

One of the thoughts was constant.

I wanted her in my presence.

I wanted to hold her, to touch her, to be with her.

Is that wrong?

No it isnt.

Its natural.

I left her messages throughout the day, hoping she would respond.

As i was watching a sermon, she did!

My heart was so happy! I tell you! It did backflips. =]

Then i thought about how much God loved me.

How He was there.. picture this.

the darkness all around. Sounds muffled and noncoherent.

Liquid passing through you and around you.

But a hand is felt all the way through.

Suddenly.. Light! Bursting light! Breath for the first time!

God Himself said He carried You through birth, holding your hand.

Watching You as You formed, as Doing it at the same time.

He loves it when You smile. When you are happy.

He will be with You til the day You breathe Your last.

Because You made it a goal to be so close to Him that You can Hear His Footsteps.

Even death is not a bad thing; its a sleep, but You can hear His Voice.

I will come back for You, because You mean the world to me.

that went through my mind when i was away from her eating.

all of that.

then i was like.

wow. God wants me this much. Everyday i wake up, I say to myself, God wants me. He wants me to live today. If He didnt, He could've left me to do die in the hospital that christmas day 19 years ago.

Satan would've loved it.

God saw different.

He even said of me, I loved You before You were born. I have great things for You. Come and follow Me.

Before everyday is even done, it is the Book already, though it didnt even happen yet!

Now i come to her.

I love her so much.

It hurts at times.

Then i realise this;

she loves me back.

I dont understand why. i dont know why. but i stopped questioning why now.

Its like God's love in a microcosm; I cant understand it, but I just bask in it.

I want to make her happy.

Just like God does.

I want to make her secure. Like God does.

I know God can do it infinitesimally more than i can.

I am not bothered; He is God. of course He can.

I can just do what He gives me the power to do.

But You know what?

私は私が常にほしかった何かを有する: 彼女の中心。 そして私は内容である.

watashi wa watashi ga toko ni hoshikatta nani ka wo asuru: Kanojo no chūshin . soshite watashi wa naiyou de aru.

I have something I always wanted: Her heart. and I am content.

What a Day =] so far..

woke this morning was like woo!!!

then slept again.

then my nan called. asked for mom. the usual.

anyway.

woke up again. mom said breakfast, and i was up!

i saw my plate. then i saw hers.

four small bits of plaintain to her loads..

same amount of sausage.

and beans.

cept i had pancakes. she didnt.

but that isnt the main point.

she had jamaican chocolate tea!

a lot!

and i had a mouthful it seemed to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

what?!

she said she thought i wouldnt drink it so she didnt give me alot.

ok fair enough that is usually true.

but when i had that tea.

it was better than ANY CHOCOLATE THAT IS MADE HERE.

it is the real cocoa.

not the one here.

anyway..

she laughed and called Nannie Winnie twice; one for the food, and the other for the miniscule amount of tea i had!

bad times.

anyway.

doesnt matter now =]

so..

we spoke in the night and in the morning.

she told me she drank at some party.

yea. she knew my response.

but she also wants to know where in the bible it says not to drink.

well here are the scriptures and the reason behind them: (i am not trying to judgmental or condemning, but just showing these in love =])

1. What do the Scriptures say about alcohol, wine and liquor? Proverbs 20:1, RSV. "Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler; and whoever is led astray by it is not wise." - meaning this. Those who think there is something good in alcohol forwhatever reason is by the Bible quoted as not wise. God himself says this through Solomon.
2. Why is drinking dangerous? Ephesians 5:18, TEV. "Do not get drunk with wine, which will only ruin you; instead be filled with the Spirit."-Paul himself says dont get drunk as it will ruin you. it even means to drink a small amount. yes it wont make you drunk as a skunk but still. the first scripture proves that point.
3. With what sins is drunkenness classed? Galatians 5:19-21, NIV. "The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity …idolatry and witchcraft…drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."- if You thought it was ok to drink, it is classed with people who cant go to heaven. therefore God must see something wrong with it.
4. How do alcoholic drinks affect those who use them? Proverbs 23:29-35, TLB. "Whose heart is filled with anguish and sorrow? Who is always fighting and quarreling? Who is the man with bloodshot eyes and many wounds? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new mixtures." -alot of people like to mix drinks. bad enough as it is. but that is worse, as Solomon points out.
5. Don't let the sparkle and the smooth taste of strong wine deceive you. "For in the end it bites like a poisonous serpent; it stings like an adder. You will see hallucinations and have delirium tremors, and you will say foolish, silly things that would embarrass you to no end when sober. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And afterwards you will say, 'I didn’'t even know it when they beat me up.'
6. Pure grape juice is a blessing to man. Isaiah 65:8, NKJV. "As the new wine is found in the cluster…one says, 'Do not destroy it, for a blessing is in it…'".- alternative to Alcohol- my beloved grape juice-

now those are the scriptures.

but here are the common questions people ask about alcohol and the answers.

DOES THE BIBLE CONDONE MODERATE USE OF THESE SUBSTANCES?

· AARON AND HIS SONS, THE PRIESTS, WERE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN TO DRINK EITHER WINE OR STRONG DRINK WHEN THEY WENT INTO THE TABERNACLE TO MINISTER BEFORE THE LORD (LEVITICUS 10:9). NAZARITES WERE LIKEWISE FORBIDDEN TO USE WINE WHILE UNDER THE VOW (NUMBERS 6:3,20; CF. JUDGES 13:4-7). THE RECHABITES LIVED A NOTEWORTHY EXAMPLE OF PERMANENT ABSTINENCE FROM WINE, ADHERING STRICTLY TO THE COMMAND OF THEIR ANCESTOR, JONADAB, TO REFRAIN FROM IT (JEREMIAH 35:2,5,6,8,14). PROVERBS IS REPLETE WITH WARNINGS AGAINST INDULGENCE IN WINE AND STRONG DRINK (PROVERBS 20:1; 21:17; 23:30,31; 31:4). WINE MOCKS THOSE WHO USE IT (CHAPTER 20:1), AND REWARDS THEM WITH WOE, SORROW, STRIFE, AND WOUNDS WITHOUT CAUSE (CHAPTER 23:29,30). "IN THE END IT BITES LIKE A SNAKE AND POISONS LIKE A VIPER." (VERSE 32) THE PROPHET ISAIAH DECLARED, "WOE TO THOSE WHO ARE HEROES AT DRINKING WINE AND CHAMPIONS AT MIXING DRINKS." (ISAIAH. 5:22 NIV) DANIEL AND HIS COMPATRIOTS SET A WORTHY EXAMPLE BY REFUSING TO DRINK OF THE KING'S WINE (DANIEL 1:5,8,10-16). WHEN FASTING LATER IN LIFE, DANIEL ABSTAINED FROM "FLESH" AND "WINE" (CHAPTER 10:3). -SO FROM THIS, THE BIBLE CHAMPIONS WERE TOLD NOT TO DO IT. DANIEL, WHO EVERYONE KNOWS FOR THIS STEADFASTNESS DIDNT DO IT; SO WHY SHOULD I? BUT I WILL CONTINUE ON.

· THE USUAL NEW TESTAMENT WORD FOR WINE, WHETHER FERMENTED OR UNFERMENTED, IS OISNOS. JESUS LIKENED HIS REVOLUTIONARY TEACHING TO NEW WINE, WHICH WOULD BURST THE OLD BOTTLES OF TRADITION (MATTHEW 9:17). PAUL WARNED BELIEVERS AGAINST DRUNKENNESS (EPHESIANS 5:18), AND DECLARES THAT DEACONS SHOULD NOT BE "ADDICTED TO MUCH WINE" (1 TIMOTHY 3:8). HE COUNSELED TITUS THAT THE OLDER WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE "SLAVES TO DRINK" (TITUS 2:3).

· BUT WHAT ABOUT WHAT PAUL SAID TO TIMOTHY ABOUT HAVING A LITTLE WINE? - FOR RELIEF FROM A DIGESTIVE AILMENT, PAUL RECOMMEND "A LITTLE WINE" TO TIMOTHY. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT 1 TIMOTHY 5:23 IN PARTICULAR. PHYSICAL AILMENTS SUCH AS DYSENTERY, OFTEN DUE TO CONTAMINATED WATER, WERE COMMON OCCURRENCES. CONSEQUENTLY, OTHER WAYS TO QUENCH THIRST WERE OFTEN RECOMMENDED. SOME COMMENTATORS BELIEVE THAT PAUL HERE WAS ADVOCATING THE TEMPERATE USE OF FERMENTED WINE FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES. THEY CALL ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT WINE HAS, THROUGH THE CENTURIES, BEEN USED FOR THIS. OTHERS SAY THAT PAUL REFERS TO UNFERMENTED GRAPE JUICE, THEIR REASONING BEING THAT HE WOULD NOT GIVE ADVICE INCONSISTENT WITH THE REST OF SCRIPTURE, WHICH WARNS AGAINST THE USE OF INTOXICATING BEVERAGES (SEE PROVERBS 20:1; 23:29-32). THE PURPOSE OF PAUL'S COUNSEL IS THAT TIMOTHY SHOULD BE PHYSICALLY FIT FOR THE HEAVY DUTIES THAT REST UPON HIM AS ADMINISTRATOR OF THE CHURCHES IN ASIA MINOR. MENTAL AND MORAL ALERTNESS ARE CLOSELY RELATED TO PHYSICAL FITNESS. APPARENTLY TIMOTHY WAS FREQUENTLY ILL. A BODY FREQUENTLY SICK IS NOT AN ATTRACTIVE ADVERTISEMENT FOR ANY KIND OF HEALTH REFORM.

EFFECT OF ALCOHOL/WINE ON OUR BODIES

OUR BODIES ARE TEMPLES OF THE LIVING GOD VIA THE AGENT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. (1 CORINTHIANS 3:16, 6:19) GOD IS CONCERNED WITH HOW WE TREAT THESE, HIS WORKS OF UNSURPASSED ART. (1 CORINTHIANS 3:17) THE WISE SOLOMON SAID, "WINE IS A MOCKER AND BEER A BRAWLER; WHOEVER IS LED ASTRAY BY THEM IS NOT WISE." (PROVERBS 20:1 NIV) AND AGAIN IN VERSE 31, "DO NOT GAZE AT WINE WHEN IT IS RED, WHEN IT SPARKLES IN THE CUP, WHEN IT GOES DOWN SMOOTHLY!" (PROVERBS 23:31 NIV) WHY?

SHORT-TERM EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL USE INCLUDE:

DISTORTED　VISION, HEARING, AND COORDINATION ALTERED PERCEPTIONS AND EMOTIONSIMPAIRED JUDGMENT BAD BREATH; HANGOVERS

SOME PROBLEMS LIKE THOSE ABOVE CAN OCCUR AFTER DRINKING OVER A RELATIVELY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. BUT OTHER PROBLEMS-SUCH AS LIVER DISEASE, HEART DISEASE, CERTAIN FORMS OF CANCER, AND PANCREATITIS-OFTEN DEVELOP MORE GRADUALLY AND MAY BECOME EVIDENT ONLY AFTER YEARS OF DRINKING. WOMEN MAY DEVELOP ALCOHOL-RELATED HEALTH PROBLEMS SOONER THAN MEN, AND FROM DRINKING LESS ALCOHOL THAN MEN. BECAUSE ALCOHOL AFFECTS NEARLY EVERY ORGAN IN THE BODY, LONG-TERM DRINKING INCREASES THE RISK FOR MANY SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS.

HEART DISEASE. THE MODERATE USE OF ALCOHOL HAS BEEN REPORTED TO HAVE BENEFICIAL EFFECTS ON THE HEART, ESPECIALLY AMONG THOSE AT GREATEST RISK FOR HEART ATTACKS, SUCH AS MEN OVER THE AGE OF 45 AND WOMEN AFTER MENOPAUSE. HOWEVER, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW THAT THESE REPORTS AS BASED ON OBSERVATIONAL DATA. BUT THERE IS INSUFFICIENT EVIDENCE TO PROVE CAUSALITY. IT IS ALSOVITAL TO RECOGNIZE THAT NONE OF THESE INVESTIGATORS HAS RECOMMENDED THOSE NOT USING ALCOHOL BEGIN DOING SO! HEAVY DRINKING INCREASES THE RISK FOR HEART DISEASE, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, AND SOME KINDS OF STROKE.

CANCER. LONG-TERM HEAVY DRINKING INCREASES THE RISK OF CERTAIN FORMS OF CANCER, ESPECIALLY CANCER OF THE ESOPHAGUS, MOUTH, THROAT, AND LARYNX (VOICE BOX). RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT, IN SOME WOMEN, AS LITTLE AS ONE DRINK PER DAY CAN SLIGHTLY RAISE THE RISK OF BREAST CANCER. DRINKING MAY ALSO INCREASE THE RISK FOR DEVELOPING CANCER OF THE COLON AND RECTUM.

PANCREATITIS. THE PANCREAS HELPS REGULATE THE BODY'S BLOOD SUGAR LEVELS BY PRODUCING INSULIN. THE PANCREAS ALSO HAS A ROLE IN DIGESTING THE FOOD WE EAT. LONG-TERM HEAVY DRINKING CAN LEAD TO PANCREATITIS, OR INFLAMMATION OF THE PANCREAS. ACUTE PANCREATITIS CAN CAUSE SEVERE ABDOMINAL PAIN AND CAN BE FATAL. CHRONIC PANCREATITIS IS ASSOCIATED WITH CHRONIC PAIN, DIARRHEA, AND WEIGHT LOSS.

JUST AS A PLAIN NOTE, JOHN 10:10- GOD SAYS, "I CAME THAT THEY MAY HAVE LIFE, AND HAVE IT ABUNDANTLY." (NIV) IN USING ALCOHOL WE PARTICIPATE IN DESTROYING NOT ONLY OUR OWN LIFE BUT OFTEN THE LIVES OF OTHERS. GOD SAYS, IN ISAIAH 1:18, "COME NOW AND LET US REASON TOGETHER." WITH ALCOHOL USE WE TEMPORARILY AND PERMANENTLY STUPEFY OUR REASONING POWERS. SO, FOR A CHRISTIAN, IS IT DRINKABLE, OR UNTHINKABLE?

AT THE END OF THE DAY, I WOULD JUST ASK THE SIMPLE QUESTION:

IF JESUS SAW ME DO THIS, WOULD HE BE HAPPY THAT IWAS DOING IT IN HIS PRESENCE?

I AM NOT BEING JUDGMENTAL, BUT AS A PERSON WHO DOESNT DRINK, I HAD PEOPLE WHO HAS DONE IT, AND SOME HAVE GONE COLD TURKEY. OTHERS HAVENT.

BUT ON A ADVENTIST STANDPOINT, BESIDES ELLEN WHITE, I WOULDNT TOUCH IT.

I AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE.

=]