Hello ^^

Welcome to my blog.

Pretty much what you will find here are things that I take an interest in such as Religion, Tech, Japanese and other stuff :D

Enjoy your stay. :)

Thursday, December 31, 2009

月の銀の熟視は深く中潜んでいるものが反映する. getsu no gin no jukushi wa fukaku naka hisonde iru mono ga hanei suru (moon's silver gaze reflects what's lurking deep within)

As i was taking the garbage out, i felt a sadness that i termed "self-pity". i thought i was pitying myself because i cant seem to do things right in this house. mom is always doing everything, and i do nothing. and i wondered and said to God, "what if i just leave. right now. just take my watch for time and go?" then i realised i couldnt do that. where would i go? the night is bitterly cold. as i turned to go in after i took out the trash, i thought about putting my bike away, which i did. then as i locked the door, i saw my shadow in silver. i looked and saw the silver gaze of the moon, surrounded by stars.
i smiled inside.
i felt slightly deterred because of how i am now.
a little voice in me even spoke of ending it all.
i heard that voice before; it came when i was at low points in my day, in my life.
there were times i nearly gave into that voice, about just being alone.
then other times entertained morbid thoughts.
would anyone miss me if i was dead?
if i was gone?
or would life return to normal?
but i dont talk about those thoughts.
i dont even label them as thoughts.
i discard them and cling to God.
if i dont then.
I might as well be dead.

i dont know..

there are some days i understand what i am doing revision wise.
there are others when i am just clueless about what i am doing, as if i never done if before, and i know i have.
it makes me wonder whether i am insane or not.
like tonight for example.
i was trying to revise math, and i looked at it as if it was the first time i done it..
what is wrong with me?
why do i waste time?
what is wrong with me that i dont do things properly?!
i want to change.
i need to change.
i must change.
but will it happen before its too late?
is the question at hand..

Listening to music; yet thinking of events..

It was cold today.. i wonder why i didnt wear gloves to town.. foolish choice. anyway i am back inside now. i cant complain, my life is going good. but i dont take it for granted.
i have to work for it, and i know i need to do what i have to do.
but she makes it worthwhile even more so.
i dont always feel like "woo, i am loved" 24/7. but i do feel a sense of "i dont have to think about any other girl because i have her." that is constant.
even when i am in town and i see other women, i dont even acknowledge it to my brain.
just her.
sophie asked me yesterday if i was in anyone.
i told her i was.
she was shocked but she was happy for me.
i been on that end; i knew she wasnt happy for herself. but it happened like that so i am not bothered anymore.
now i think about 2010.
hmm.
this year felt long. longer than usual.
but so many good and bad things happened.
i will list some.
bad things
arguments with people
self hatred
fights with friends (verbal)

good things
alive
friends
america
gig with band
driving lessons
her.

just some of the stuff that has happened.
indeed.


Wednesday, December 30, 2009

cos i felt like doing this type thing

i always say type thing.. always!!
i mean its cool type thing.
see what i mean?!
anyway.. thats not what this is about.
its about her.
and she is like whoa to me =]
a good whoa not a bad one :D
she's got what i like :D
brains and everythang =]
just noice :D
all of it :D

Some things You dont see coming... =]

If i am truly honest to myself, the last couple of days werent the best in the life of me; i felt like utter death due to my cold, i had trouble thinking straight about clear issues, and to top it off, i thought my relationship was going a bit south.
all due to me.
but you know what?
sleep is a good stress reliever.
also staying up late doesnt help either.
so kicking that habit.
one month today. Noice.
so much work to do today; i think it was good that we didnt see each other at the moment, because we have so much to do.
plus unless she wants to meet my ex in town today, then that would have been slightly awkward.
she is something else;
both God and Satan knows this; the latter wants me to think of what was tormenting my brain last night;
this morning however God took control.
I remember that God has the reign and I let Him do His job.
therefore, i force myself to not think about the negative side of her. but the good only.
it isnt being naive, although sometimes the Devil does tempt me to be skeptical of everything.
I am being true.
I want her to be happy, so we must both do our best revising.
I just take it one day at a time.
And I love it.
Talking later, as now is time for EP!! :D

Sunday, December 27, 2009

things start to look up when you stop looking down

i gotta tell you... part of me thought
"is this the end? for us? for me? did come all this way to lose it out?"
i gotta thank God it wasnt so.
the Devil surely wanted me to hate. to feel resentment. bitterness. anger. malice.
but God had other plans.
i love her because God helps me to love her.
He reminds me of His love for me; and He can love me, why if she made a mistake, i cant love her?
am i better than God Himself?
that question is already answered.
I love her.
even if i have to spend every day telling her that. every hour. every minute.
i wouldnt stop.
because tonight was a test of love. a test of true love that stands hardship.
will it fade away, and be false? or will it be true as stirling?
and i realised something..
i passed.

I cant say i am feeling good right now

nope.
not at all.
and it all stemmed from one conversation.
i went from feeling slighty good to down right cold and indifferent.
and it hurts.
especially because she said it to me; things i didnt want to hear; that i couldnt help but hear; that confirmed things that i didnt want to hear. or did it?
her words were like the sharpest arrows to my already bleeding heart, each word piercing deeper and deeper.
til it felt like i had no longer a inkling of our togetherness.
let me tell you.
it didnt tickle.
it didnt feel nice.
she led me to a side of her, where i wanted to avoid.
well tonight..
i got to see it.
and i wonder if everything will be the same again.
i so want it to be the normality and not this nightmare i seemed to have been plunged into.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Its funny when you read your past..

it is as you say: did i write that?
wow.
i look back now and think
so much has been done in the past year.
what does next year hold?
i know some things have to change .
by God they will.
but one thing i dont want to change is or lose is:
Her.
she makes me happy.
i know i said that about girls on this before but she does.
absolutely.
all the time.
i cant help but think about her and smile inside.
she is just my gift and awesomeness.
thank you.
always.

Now 19...

yesterday sure was good.
but i didnt write in my journal like i wanted too!!!><
never mind i will do it today and say what i wanted to say yesterday!
today was good too.
not many ppl in church as they were visiting.
good nonetheless..
but my throat kills.
bad times... ><
it was a good day today however so cant complain!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

LAST DAY OF BEING 18

THOUGH I HAVENT WRITTEN IN THIS IN DONKEY YEARS.. ACTUALLY 4 MONTHS BUT IT FEELS LIKE FOREVER!
BECAUSE SO MUCH HAS GONE ON!
LAST DAY OF BEING 18!
IT WAS GOOD WHILE IT LASTED!
PROJECT X GOING STRONG WITH THE 3 ORIGINALS.
BIRTHDAY PARTY WAS AWESOME!
still looking for a job tho! ><
oh well!
new year, hopefully jobs!
i got 2 offers for uni !
lancaster and leicester!
woo!
thats it!
next time i write on this,
I
AM
19!
HAVE IT!
=]

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What a day!! Travelling across the country takes it toll on you

I was on the road for a whole day. that was crazy.
from lightning to thunderstorms, to rain so heavy you couldnt see in front of you.
from maniac truckers, to my dad running while walking to get to the bathroom at wendy's!
lol that was funny to watch.
the lightning was awesome as well!
i had fun in america; next time i am coming to see the other ppl i couldnt see when i was here this time.
this issue with sophie i am giving to God; because i know the devil is using this situation to get at me; but i will stand in God's shelter and leave it to Him.
i cant wait to go home anyway.
and my shoulder feels better now!! ^^.
now to see some ppl today and 2 get ready for 2moro =]
off to the uk! (soon)

Monday, August 17, 2009

heading back to new york today

finally i am going back to ny!
not to say that i didnt enjoy georgia, i did!
but i am ready to go back to school.
i didnt realise that i would be like this, when i am in my home country!
i want to be in the uk!
i think its because all of my friends since i came there are there, and it feels weird.
it feels weird that i want to live there now, and not here. like i am stranger in my own land..
how does that make sense?
it doesnt to me..
will it ever??
i dont know.
but one day hopefully i will know.

The easiest and yet most difficult thing to do.

I know telling the truth is always right.. but it isnt always easy to do; especially when u want to
have the alternative.
i had to make a choice today that was plaguing my mind ever i was told someone liked me. except the thing is: they arent Adventist, and to some that sounds like an excuse, but its the bottom line. if they arent Adventist, i shouldnt go out with them; now that sounds arrogant but it isnt really.
it was so hard to tell her, and i yet didnt: i told her friend, who is my friend, and she is annoyed at me because she thinks that it is an excuse, seeing how i went out with her former best friend who i knew full well wasnt even christian. i didnt want to make that same choice twice even though i did kinda like her. it was between going out with her, and forsaking what God said; or doing what God said and feeling the consquences of telling her that.
like i said, it was the hardest thing to do:
and i havent even done it yet.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Things i Hate

i thought about doing then i thought i couldnt be bothered.
my head hurts though i done nothing to it.
my dad is annoying me with how he treats others, and he doesnt care at all.
it makes me sick.
i am definitely not seeing him when i come back here.
simple as that.
i went to six flags and it was ok.
got videos and stuff but i got to upload them when i can be bothered.
too slow internet atm to do so no bother.
better in the morning, so i will do it then.
i hate the time difference..
i want to talk to Rasheed or David or Rosie(both) or Axiom.. ='[
but i always got God to talk to !! ^^.
Yay for my Heavenly Father!^^.
never lets me down or is mean!

Saturday, August 01, 2009

One world of a trip..

sometimes when i come here, i wonder why i ever bothered to come at all..
loneliness as well as my dad getting on my nerves every other day gets to me..
as well as feelings of unknown thoughts.. about too many people i dont need to think about.
its weird..
sometimes, i wish that my trip could be shortened..
other times not.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Finally in Georgia

I am finally here! Atm, i am sitting in my dad's friends' house using their computer..
but what a ride it has been! between me wanting to nearly go back to england as well as not; from Mrytle Beach to now, it has been truly up and down for me in every sphere and sense of the word.
but i am happy now, so its all good.
i got so much else to write but i cba !! ^^.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Now at South Carolina

I would have wrote this yesterday; but i was too tired and didnt have my dad's laptop near me. anyway here is what is up so far:
i woke up at 3:30 in the morning, and then me my dad and Shamell (my brother) left for south carolina. the sunset was awesome, and i started to think of Georgia as well as making a new song about the sunset as well as the feelings i had at the moment in time. hopefully, i can remember when i need to. we passed through a lot of states, and it was cool. i took some pictures, which i can put on facebook. now we are at myrtle beach, south carolina. its cool.
atm, its a bit overcast, but its cool.
anyway, i am off. =]

Saturday, July 18, 2009

First Sabbath in America

Well today is the first Sabbath in America; hopefully it wont be as hazardous as last time.
i can only hope that God can keep the peace here.
as well as i am at peace now =]
today should be good .

Night Sky- yet Thunders rules the night

even now as i am tpying, it is raining and thundering; but somehow it is different when things happen that are normal over here in America for me. somehow, they all feel different, and not the same as in England.. even now, when i am tpying this, i miss her.. when i was on the plane, i missed her.. as i was driving.. i miss her.. am i being too needy or am i just being a person who is trying not to fall in love, but to crawl in it? how do i know the difference, because i know that there is one. there are so many times when i feel alone physically, but i know that God is here with me, so i am not alone, even though i feel it...
that can always bring a smile to my face..
but i know one more thing that will really bring a smile to my face..
and thats when
we meet
for the
first
time...
and look ..
into each others'
eyes.
then it would have been worth it.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Now in America

WOO!! I AM NOW IN AMERICA! ^^.
the flight was awesome, and saw many cool clouds!
i had to pinch myself when i touched down! i cant believe it still that i am in america!
just had worship and now just checking some things.
jet lag and me dont work together as i slept on the plane for a bit! ^^.
cant wait to do stuff now that i am here!! ^^.

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Day to fly, a Day to soar

well, today is the day i go off for America!
well last night i was going to write this but either way; last night was my last night in England for a while. yet i felt so angry and so irritated it bothered me; i didnt know why i did, but i just felt like hitting and hitting something till it stopped moving.. and that is what freaked me out. now the feeling is gone.. and i dont know how it even started.. :S
I cant wait for America, but at the same time, i dont want to miss the time difference i will have too..
13 hours behind my Gift!! 13 hours?!
man.. that is a lot!
what i would give to see her now.. hmm i cant explain that. not because i dont want to, cos i cant.
by 2moro i will in my homeland again.
and i cant wait for it.
Simple as that. ^^.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Revelations today !! =]

i got sure got a surprise last morning!
Georgia and I finally talked online!!
it was amazing!! and wonderful and every other word i can think of !! !
^^.
It was good!!
That was the highlight of yesterday!! ^^.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Life through Lightning's Eyes

It just thundered and lightninged (that may not be grammar but meh) just a while ago while i was having worship, and it was awesome for me. Though it didnt last long, it thought me something; the mighty things of this world has to end sometime, while God never does. It was an awesome thing to see, and i cant wait to see more of it! ^^
America soon! Can't wait!! ^^

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Its late, but i still keep thinking

this serves as a journal for me..
at times i wonder if anyone reads it.. at other times, i am glad i write in it.
so much is happening.. in my head.
i want a relationship.. but am i ready for one?
do i want one because someone already has someone or in the process of getting them?
do i want one for selfish reasons?
why do i want one? will it make me truly happy?
well if God isnt it, then it will never make me happy, no matter who it is.
i need to sort the wheat from the chaff in this one..
i need to realise that i can be single and satisfied. i dont need to flirt and stuff.
i just..
have to wait..
til God brings someone along..

Monday, June 22, 2009

So many things to ponder about

Well.. so many things to ponder about..
one of them is the direction i am in life..
another year is nearly gone of school..
i got another to do for 6th form then uni.
and i done the research for what i want to do so that is ok. no need to it again ^.^
band practice 2moro as well.. as chemistry..
just sorting out folders now for stuff.. and everything feels so easy to do now.
just quietness.
and top gear is back on !! :D
America is about to receive me again :D =]
13th July - 20th August =]
still job hunting though
and still trying to what God wants me to be.
if it wasnt for Him, i would be dead already.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

NEW STUFF

LOL
I GOT 2 GB NOW ON MY PC !
FINALLY !!
REVISION WAS LIKE WHOA AT DAVID'S !
CHEMISTRY WAS EASY BUT CANT WAIT FOR ENGLISH ONES NOW !!
XD
SO FAR WEEK WAS GOOD!
MISSING HER THO =[

Thursday, May 28, 2009

ALL THE WAY I HAVE TO GO

Not so much to say atm..
Just revision (trying to ><)
and computing...
bough some memory for my cpu!!! :D
now just about to tackle english essays!!!
with help of music!!!
Gig was awesome!!
And Project X may have a singer now as well!!
MORE WILL BE POSTED ^^

Friday, May 15, 2009

OH MY DAYS== SO LONG AGO

THERE IS SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT..
I THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THIS EVERYDAY..
NEVER HAPPENED. -.-
EITHER WAY!!
WHOA AT THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED..
GIG ON THE 22ND OF MAY.. SWEET XD
UMM EXAMS AND SCHOOL AS USUAL..
I REALLY NEED TO THINK ABOUT OTHER THINGS..
STILL TRYING TO FIND A JOB..
IN THE MEANWHILE, I HAVE TO AND CAN WAIT..
THE BATTLE WITH TOM.. ARMAGEDDON!
WHY AM I WRITING CAPS!?
AMERICA IN THE SUMMER!!!
WHOO!!
SO MUCH STUFF BEEN HAPPENING IN MY HEAD..
SINGLE ONCE AGAIN.. GOING TO STAY THAT WAY STILL GOD HAS SOMEONE IN STORE FOR ME..
I STILL THINK ABOUT WHAT IF'S ..
SONGS GOING OVER IN MY HEAD FOR GIG..
STUDY LEAVE.. EXAMS..
WHOA!!
THATS ABOUT IT XD
FOR NOW =]

Friday, February 20, 2009

The Lost Hold.. The Regaining of His Assurance

this is something that i wasnt planning on writing..
but i guess i feel i need to write this..
for the past couple of weeks, i felt like i was drifting from God.. and i didnt see to much of it..
i was being very comfortable in myself and not on Him.. and i saw the results..
i lived like how i used to before i accpeted Him.. (well not to that extreme, like swearing and such!!)
and i kept falling and such.. and things that i loved i didnt do; i missed prayer meetings b/c i didnt want to go.. devotions felt like a chore.. and things of God felt like a chore...
and today it was a breaking point..
i wanted to be so close to God, but i didnt know how to.. now i realised while watching a sermon.. and from mel, mr.T, and my baby that i havent been lost from God.. yet i know i walked away from Him; and it showed from what i did and done and spoke and thought...
now i am happy because i am assured of His love and that He can accept me back and to be stronger than i was before.. to realise this.. i am so happy :D
Thank You so much Mel, Mr.Thorton, Milkshake, and especially God =]
you all rock!!! XD ^^
i know that life is full of ups and downs.. but that experience was something else..

Thursday, February 19, 2009

whoa.. such a long time..

its been a long long long time since i wrote..
dont know why though..
anyway...
today wasnt too bad..
got my camera for sunday!!! :D
and just doing stuff today... :D
so yea!
half term was good and i did work as well..
going to see Sharie on sunday!! woo!!
cant wait for summer.. but its a bit bittersweet cos by then all the yr 13's would have left.. :(
but that is going to happen... so just to enjoy them now!! :D
that's about it for now...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Lol and a half- Deception plays an awfully wicked game..

Oh boy has it been off to a good week already!
Found out that Sam is with Alex, and not me.. apparently, he makes her happy..
i thought i did.. ok then..
good luck with that then both of you..
anyway..
Sharie rocks my cotton socks and i can say that cos i can =]
Love you baby x
anwyay again lol
noone can believe it and noone can figure why in the world it is happening..
as for me, when i found out, i went angry then i didnt care.. simple as that..
also ordered cable to find it was the wrong one, so need to send back and get the right one..
thats it really lol
what a fun life i live!!
who needs hollywood!! lol

Friday, January 23, 2009

LIVING FOR THE BEST; LIVING FOR ETERNITY

Over the past couple of days, I have been thinking about things.. things that are beyond the scope of this world..
I am not trying shove anything down anyone's throat.. everyone who knows me knows that much.. lol
but anyway..
Its Sabbath now.. and I am sitting here reading about eternity or eien, 永遠, and thinking about what it entails..
how the Judgment is on now and will come..
and how much it puts things in my life into perspective..
many ppl say that i am very wise for my age.. that i am a old soul in a young body.. that i know where i want to go and what i want to do with my life..
and I can only thank God for that because without Him... I wouldnt being able to even write this right now..
So many things were happening to me this week i was unsure if it was a dream or not..
so many thoughts.. so many wants.. so many desires..
but all in due time my friends..
There have been times when i look up at the night sky and i just imagine what eternity holds for me.. and for all those who want to be with God..
this isnt some fairytale, it isnt something that i have a false hope in.. but that is for another time.. like i said i am not here to push my beliefs into other people's throats..
History has been made, and more is to come..
but all i know is this..
i want to be on that sea of glass.. and to have my own mansion in that world made new!!
I WANT TO WALK ON THOSE GOLDEN STREETS AND PLANT MY OWN STUFF AND EAT IT!! I WANT TO TALK WITH ANGELS AND WITH THE ONE WHO WAS BY MY SIDE ALL MY LIFE!!
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO ALL THE THINGS THAT I COULDNT DO ON THIS PLANET..
AND MOST OF ALL I WANT TO SEE THE GODHEAD!!!
XD
AND I WANT ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO BE THERE!!!
BUT THAT IS THEIR CHOICE.. BUT I KNOW THAT I AM GOING TO BE THERE!!
HELP ME NOT TO HAVE MY HOPES CENTERED ON THIS WORLD GOD!! XD
I WANT YOU.. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! XD
that was fun.. and very releasing :D

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Awesome day- AWESOME MARTIAL ARTS XD

TODAY WAS OFF THE CHAIN.. anyway lol
went to school late cos i was sleeping like a log.. lol
met up with sam and the others.. who were a bit on the hyper side.. to say the least..
then had some chinese with jen, rasheed, mandy and sam=]
it was good :D
then went to shops.. and hugged and done that loads lol
then met scott, julian, tia, and jordan..
then came home with alex..
and the girls broughts handcuffs.. lol
then came to the martial arts..
it is and was amazing!!!
they have weapons and they are so honoring!!
i learned 3 takedowns!!
i am so going back!!!
and it is very convienent as well for me :D
cant wait!!
only thing was that jordan, alex or sam couldnt make it!!! =[
but they can next week.. (well jordan is at least and so is alex.. and so sam is as well lol!)
all in all, today was rocking!
and also got a new song coming for Project X!!
GOOD TIMES!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A NEW DAY, A NEW PHASE IN HISTORY

there is much to say today!!!!
first of all ( and i can say this.. cos i am both black and american!!!)
OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT!! OHHH YEA!!!
THAT IS THE HIGHLIGHT FOR TODAY!!!
otherwise lol ..
band practice was good!!!
today was pure goodness today!!
cant wait to see her!!! going to be so good!!!
but i have to wait!!! :(
no!!!!
i am doing some programming for dummies lol but its all good!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Too much to write.. should of wrote this earlier..

Well there is much to write...
got soo much to do, and so much to say ! !Lol
had 2 exams over the past week!! really 2 but anyway..
atm i am doing computing for dummies after revising at kara's house! lol it was good
talking to sharie as well :D so yeah that is going good.. lol
cant wait to see her! going to be good :XD
funny as much as i want to say something, that is about it lol
more later .

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Day of Reckoning..

I will be brief..
Exam 2moro, and i think i am ready for it..
part of me is a bit concerned.. have i done as much as i could?
either way, no need to cram as it wont help..
just going to look over one last time..
hence the name.. and hence my state of mind..
but there are other things in my mind which i am thinking about..
but for another day...
my heart seems to beat with fear as well as with anticipation... maybe i dont want to admit what i knew all along?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Only Look Up!

Hmm.. what to write about tonight..
*looks around and thinks*
Ahh.. much to say really. Turns out my fears became naught.. :D
Today was pretty good.. though i did waste some time playing games when i could have been out... I spoke to her last night, and we talked for a good while :D.. Anyway, i saw her by stroke of genius when i came out of a shop, and didnt leave her side since.. lol
it is quite ironic.. i was with her, yet i didnt say one word.. i think it was nerves.. which i said to her later on.. though she couldnt understand why i was nervous at all.. so anyway.. we was walking around town, with no aim to go.. so we walked around and around.. then she wanted to go, so we walked to her house and spoke on the way.. hence the earlier part..
she is worried about her exam.. i told she has no need to be.. :D
as i was going to say bye to her at her door, i went inside and met her family..
i was like *what do i say..^.^* so i sat down and listened while they talked and got to know her a bit better through watching how she acted with her family..
anyway... we left the house, and we talked..
now here is the moment.. Could i tell her how i felt, and not get the backfire?
it was about to get tense, so i took a leap (not physically but you should be adequate enough to know that) and told her.
and to my surprise, she was the same to me as i was to her!
so booya to that one XP XD
we left and i got home and then my mom let me know that i never called her or anything today as my phone was dead.. earlier anyway.. she made me lemon cake!!! :D
it was good :D
so basically, day was good and then got better :D
Hence the title, Only Look Up :D

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Cold Night, Warm Heart? Conflicts within my mind..

If i can say anything it would be that today was about the most rollercoaster day this year so far...
i woke up 4 in the morning for absolutely no reason.. :S and had the most vivid dream ever...
went to school, and then met her at school =] it was good :D
then i got to do some work.. which kinda turned into talking to ppl...
then i got to talking to her.. but then we didnt get to do much.. i think it was because i was nervous.. :(
anyway.. time went like crazy.. and still didnt do anything with her =[
then my mind started to run away.. and i got scared and nervous at the same time..
i wanted to hug her like mad but there were other ppl there and i was scared that they would say something so i didnt...
then i started to feel clouds of despair coming over me.. i felt like i was going into this and that for some reason, she wasnt going to same way as me..
so then i became quiet and i thought that she wouldnt want to notice me..
and i felt alone... very much alone..
so i put some music on and went on one of those walks.. everyone has them.. when u have to be alone, but you want someone to be wanting to be with you..
afterwards, i spoke to Rasheed and i thought that i was putting too much into this, and that i might get hurt... so i didnt know how to feel..
then i came back and i sat by myself.. i felt sick inside.. i wanted to cry.. to be honest.. but i didnt..
then school ended, and she asked if i wanted to hug and i said it was too crowded and she didnt.. but i really wanted her to.. =[
so then i left school with Rasheed and Alex around and spoke while i thought about what happened.. and what may happened..
Alex and Rasheed cheered me up and i was feeling better. the martial arts was today so i called her and asked if she could make it.. and she said she could so i was like :D cos then i could talk to her and be close to her.. which was what i wanted. then i went home and revised.. exam 2moro!!! i am ready tho so i am ok. now as i waited to go with her, she told me she couldnt make it.. i was like :/ but couldnt do much.. but at least she wanted to come..
then i went to the place to find that it wasnt on today.. so i was like :/.
now i came home and had lasagna with naan bread.. so good=] now i am waiting to go and meet her.. :D
so all in all the day was a turnaround.. nice :D

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Another cold night.. another inspiring thought

Just a thought about doing this after i done my other one earlier.. i walked home from college.. well i went to church first to realise no prayer meeting was on.. so i was like :? anyway home now, and as i was walking i heard canon in a remix and so i carried on in my head and it became my own cover of it!
so now my goal for now.. is to at least play what is in my head and onto guitar!
only issue is how to do it.. it'll come to me.. lol
i will get into my history but not now.. not in the mood to..
but one thing i will say is this: I miss her and i want a hug:D she knows who she is :P
but i am warm, but that doesnt change it that much.. but i can look foward to seeing her 2moro :D so always a good thing:D

Life Through My Eyes (Part 1)

so a blog.. hmm.. never thought i would do this.. but cool to do it..
so much to say and now i can say it :D
for example today was crazy!
i got this massive headache that doesnt want to stay in one place.. *grr*
and i got loads of things in my head too.. girls on the brain :P
so far this week was ok, cept my one of my band members wasnt in.. didnt matter so much as we still got stuff done..
i finally got a band name!! Project X!
well i think it's cool anyway so :P
my birthday was off the chain as well as christmas! (get the comparison?)
i got so much to do in term of resolutions!!
2moro i am going to go to martial arts in st. nicks XD
hopefully jordan and sam are coming :D
should be good ..
need to some more japanese study.. i havent touched it once in the break.. not good. can barely remember stuff.. it will come back though.. always does..
also reading the Bible in japanese! talk about ambition!!! did i spell that right??
my goal for now is to memorise the whole of Genesis 1 in japanese! talk about stretching the mind!!!
Scott came just now !! btw i am college =] which rocks!!
math was good today :D
sat with ellie and then my head started to hurt.. wasnt her though..
thinking about sam.. and chemistry.. and how my head hurts..
and also what time it is somewhere in the world randomly =]
and how i want to be with her right now.. but i am not =[ got to wait!!!!
sad really..
i need to sort my room out again i think.. or just to calm down or something.. but i am already calm:S lol
hmm chemistry exam friday.. nice =]
listening to nickelback- photograph.. such a good song=] makes me think about my relationships i had with my ex's.

more when i can be done with one =]