New Years..

So its close to new years.. and here i am thinking about today and what i've been up to since i came to Reading. just wondering if im making headway in work and church and social life. or if im being too forward.. sometimes i wonder if anyone cares.. I know God does; but sometimes my mind is so clouded, i cant see the smiles from the fake ones.. i mistake a genuine smile and wanting to know me for a pretense.

Lord I need your help.. its not easy being in my situation.. :/

I've gotten help from my friend fleshpot, and she was like dont overdo it.. just go with the flow. and relax..

As my mom said, Rome wasnt built in a day..

Well since everyone is reflecting on this year..
I dont want to. I know what i did wrong and right. I just got to ask God to make me wiser for this coming year..
I have sins that must be laid at the foot of the Cross..
I did imagine one thing though.
What if I didnt make it to the first resurrection but the second?

I dont want that to happen. Nothing in this world is worth that.. Nothing.

Well its nearly New Years.. Some people are out drinking, some are sleeping; some are like me, thinking and blogging..

For now,
Later.

The sands of time wait for no man, yet we must grab time and make it ours - Siddell Bloodsaw

Some days are harder than the rest...

I have to admit, while im writing this, im crying. Which is funny because I usually don't cry unless i cant bear it anymore.

And i cant.

not right now.

being alone is hard. and its worse when there would be people around but they are gone. that emptiness thats inside right now, i cant explain it, and i dont want to in a sense.. God made me for socializing; and right now I wish He was right here, so i could at least have someone to talk with..

I feel weak; i feel like not myself.

And the worse thing is:

- I thought i could handle it.

I dont expect people to be around me always. They cant.

But now I understand what it means to feel sorrow inside. It hurts like an open wound.. why put on a brave face when its easier to let myself cry, and cry for all the foolishness ive done and for the hurt i committed to God and to others; to myself.

Noone's seen me like this; and in some weird way, noone will. only a few have seen me like this outside of my own family. some didnt know me that well so they couldnt be there for me.. some knew me better than i did, so they could.

I feel weak; funny that..

Its been a long time.. Much to say! :D

Well it has certainly been a while since I have blogged.. I should have done it more and more since i was in the first term, but i never got around to it..
Either way, as much as i can remember this is what happened since last time:
- The work wasnt too bad; ok the math wasnt anyway, physics and electrical science were a bit.
- Organization skills are improving, although I got to learn to sleep earlier.. :L
- Programming has definitively taken a step forward as well as Japanese =]
- Im nearly there to getting a house ! :D
- Nothing atm with women, bearing in mind I just got to know ppl.
- Work is good.
- Church is good; at first i thought it would be impossible to get to know people there, but as my friend said, its better to go with the flow than to rush things.

It was so good to be gone from uni for a bit. I got my railcard the day before I left, and the trip home was fun. I met Rosie when i got to town, went to her house then went home. The rest of my time back in Stevenage werent spend doing much. I saw Gabriel, Aaron and Ashley. I also saw David, Jordan and Rasheed, who gave me my 120 GB hard drive (thanks for that Rasheed! :D ).

I also realized how far I need to change to be closer to God. I see the flaws and I want to change. The sermon was good, and I was glad that I did it; Many people wished me happy birthday :D Personally, now that I am here, I cant wait to go back to Reading, because I have all my stuff up there. Even though it is going to be difficult getting back, I will get back since I need to go to work.

:D

Thats about it for now =]