New Years..

So its close to new years.. and here i am thinking about today and what i've been up to since i came to Reading. just wondering if im making headway in work and church and social life. or if im being too forward.. sometimes i wonder if anyone cares.. I know God does; but sometimes my mind is so clouded, i cant see the smiles from the fake ones.. i mistake a genuine smile and wanting to know me for a pretense.

Lord I need your help.. its not easy being in my situation.. :/

I've gotten help from my friend fleshpot, and she was like dont overdo it.. just go with the flow. and relax..

As my mom said, Rome wasnt built in a day..

Well since everyone is reflecting on this year..
I dont want to. I know what i did wrong and right. I just got to ask God to make me wiser for this coming year..
I have sins that must be laid at the foot of the Cross..
I did imagine one thing though.
What if I didnt make it to the first resurrection but the second?

I dont want that to happen. Nothing in this world is worth that.. Nothing.

Well its nearly New Years.. Some people are out drinking, some are sleeping; some are like me, thinking and blogging..

For now,
Later.

The sands of time wait for no man, yet we must grab time and make it ours - Siddell Bloodsaw

Some days are harder than the rest...

I have to admit, while im writing this, im crying. Which is funny because I usually don't cry unless i cant bear it anymore.

And i cant.

not right now.

being alone is hard. and its worse when there would be people around but they are gone. that emptiness thats inside right now, i cant explain it, and i dont want to in a sense.. God made me for socializing; and right now I wish He was right here, so i could at least have someone to talk with..

I feel weak; i feel like not myself.

And the worse thing is:

- I thought i could handle it.

I dont expect people to be around me always. They cant.

But now I understand what it means to feel sorrow inside. It hurts like an open wound.. why put on a brave face when its easier to let myself cry, and cry for all the foolishness ive done and for the hurt i committed to God and to others; to myself.

Noone's seen me like this; and in some weird way, noone will. only a few have seen me like this outside of my own family. some didnt know me that well so they couldnt be there for me.. some knew me better than i did, so they could.

I feel weak; funny that..

Its been a long time.. Much to say! :D

Well it has certainly been a while since I have blogged.. I should have done it more and more since i was in the first term, but i never got around to it..
Either way, as much as i can remember this is what happened since last time:
- The work wasnt too bad; ok the math wasnt anyway, physics and electrical science were a bit.
- Organization skills are improving, although I got to learn to sleep earlier.. :L
- Programming has definitively taken a step forward as well as Japanese =]
- Im nearly there to getting a house ! :D
- Nothing atm with women, bearing in mind I just got to know ppl.
- Work is good.
- Church is good; at first i thought it would be impossible to get to know people there, but as my friend said, its better to go with the flow than to rush things.

It was so good to be gone from uni for a bit. I got my railcard the day before I left, and the trip home was fun. I met Rosie when i got to town, went to her house then went home. The rest of my time back in Stevenage werent spend doing much. I saw Gabriel, Aaron and Ashley. I also saw David, Jordan and Rasheed, who gave me my 120 GB hard drive (thanks for that Rasheed! :D ).

I also realized how far I need to change to be closer to God. I see the flaws and I want to change. The sermon was good, and I was glad that I did it; Many people wished me happy birthday :D Personally, now that I am here, I cant wait to go back to Reading, because I have all my stuff up there. Even though it is going to be difficult getting back, I will get back since I need to go to work.

:D

Thats about it for now =]

Its been so long

Since I wrote on this.. So much has happened..

Freshers Week was amazing.. signed up to video games society and lockpicking(of which i only attended once) and I got a job at B and Q which is very good for me!

Also now i started going to my new home church Reading Whitley. Its really nice and the people are nice to me. Also i met some new Adventists at the uni as well, which is good for me.

it seems that now that i am writing this, it will be brief because at the moment that certain events happened, it doesnt have the same impact now. all in all, there have been tough weeks,(losing a friend) and awesome weeks (meeting new ones and discovering new things).

one of the great things i am finding is that i love my independence. i really do. and everyday i cherish it because not many people have it.

i am doing better with my japanese and guitar. loads of people want me to teach them how to play so thats cool :P

sometimes i miss my home, well mom really.. and other friends who are at other unis.. but this is how it is now..

i am here to make new friends and let the others mature as well.

and i am here to make the full use of my time here and let God do what He wants.

also at the last vgs(video game society), i owned at soul calibur: total 30-4. :D ^^.

I AM HERE!!!

READING IS AWESOME! BEST WORD TO DESCRIBE IT!
SUNDAY I WAS THE FIRST TO BE IN MY FLAT ;]
MY FLATMATES ARE BRILLIANT =]
MACKINDER (MY HALL) PARTY AT 360, WHICH IS THE PLACE TO BE FOR READING STUDENTS.
EVERYONE SAID I WAS FAMOUS COS I POSTED SO MUCH ON FACEBOOK XD

MONDAY I HAD A FREE PHOTOSHOOT AND DID A LIBRARY AND CPU TOUR =]
ALSO HAD A WELCOME FOR MY FACULTY WHICH IS FACULTY OF SCIENCE.

THEN PLAYED HALO REACH AT FRIENDS' PLACE XD

TUESDAY: CHOSE MODULES FOR MY COURSE..
WENT TO THE VIDEO GAME SOCIETY AND WAS AWESOME FOR 3 HOURS; JOINING 2MORO XD
COMEDY NIGHT WHICH WAS BRILLIANT!

THATS IT FOR NOW XD

Been A While..

Since I last posted.. so much to say.. like

- uni in less than 5 days..!!
- packing stuff..
- thinking about stuff..
- buying stuff...

yea its a lot.. :D but i cant wait til it starts!!!

XD

I CAME TO PAY!!

JUST TO SAY I GOT MY ROOM NUMBER FOR MY ACCOMMODATION!! AND I MADE ANOTHER AWESOME DINNER OF MEATBALLS WITH PASTA OVER BBQ SAUCE AND A NICE GRAVY WITH PEPPERS TOMATOES AND PEAS =]

AND OVER TO RASHEEDS 2MORO!! :D

THIS DAY WAS GOOD

THANKS GOD :D XD

Just Finished :D

Just did a lesson teaching Japanese, and paid for my deposit yesterday :D
now about 2 go home :D

and meeting new ppl from uni :D
gonna be sweet ^^

now if only student finance would get it sorted...

So much to do :D

There is so much to think about for Reading!!
I joined groups for the student union, joined one for the hall i am staying at, downloaded so much pdf's that it will make a pc cry in joy, and just listening to music on my headphones :D

and all so good in all of it!
I am having a blast doing this :D

Sorting stuff out..

Now that I got another job instead of Vodafone, I gotta think about things for uni..
hmm..

Sometimes i wonder about things like this..

oh well, not long now til i leave..

New Day nearly anyway...

So today's Sunday.. :D

Programming and writing stuff down for uni.. good..

also downloading web of shadows.. hopefully it works..

Not long now...

Nice timing :D

Now that i got a job at Vodafone til Reading starts, I am sorted..

and the programming is going good :D

So overall, its nice and tight :D

also now i got a countdown timer which is awesome :D

Its Been A while..

Well on the hunt for jobs again.. didnt like Xerox..
Got into Reading, and also programming :D ^^

so that is good :D

nothing else at the moment cept i am happy :D

Woo ^^

I now got a job at Xerox!! finally!!!
This is good because now i can do what i need to do that is urgent.. ^^
I start Tuesday and I cant wait^^

THE PATH ENDS

FINALLY AFTER SO LONG!! I GOT A JOB!!! ^^
ITS AT XEROX IN WGC AND I START TUESDAY!! AT 7:30 ^^
THANK YOU TRINITY!! <3

OMD !!!

I just got some good news... another interview =] ^.^
thats 2 interviews in one week!! i mean there is so much to say so i gotta start at the top and work backwards.
first i was feeling like crap 3 weeks ago because i just didnt know where i was going with anything. then i got invited to Rasheed's party, which was awkward at first, then it got better when we seperated and formed our own little group. some were drunk a bit, but i wasnt.
I just cant believe how things are turning out..
Hopefully, I can keep my head above and keep remembering where this is coming from.
His grace is the only reason i am getting this stuff.
well driving lesson soon and i need to book my theory again.
havent driven in over 2 months so lets see how good i am this time round.

boom baby =]

well windows 7 back on this thing =]
and everything is sorted..
sweet =]

Another night begins another day..

I sometimes wonder if anyone reads this.. i mean i could get something to show whether they do.. either way...
every day makes uni a whole lot closer.. which means i cant wait..
everyday seems to shout to me, "do something useful! dont waste time!" yet some days i do just that.. :/
but i also learn that i can look back and use the days i have better than the days before..

man this is something

learning 2x again by MAB.
its good =]
but my hands are getting so sweaty after playing. so doing it section by section on a slow beat=]
good licks as well to take away =]

Wooness ^^

No more exams =]
means more time for more stuff =]
that was it =]

Brain Blast

The bible study at church was awesome. in a word. and stretched my brain. it makes me want to go back to prayer meetings on wednesday, because i am missing out. and i cant afford to.
ppl may laugh at what i say. they may joke, but I for one am happy either way. =]
and also
bring on uni!

Looking out..

I cant wait for university.. it will be a new start.
and i cant wait for it.

Just counting the days...

Til I go to Reading..
You know, its strange but wonderful to be doing something new like this.
Maybe I will be scared the first night, but then again it will test my character while i am at uni.

My cpu works!!

ONCE AGAIN MY CPU WORKS!!
YES!!!

getting ready

i cant wait for uni...
said it before but now that exams are starting, i am more ready than before.
cant wait.. and i am excited =]
3 down, 6 to go! ^.^

(8)

Just doing revision..
did some chemistry.. gonna switch to math core 2 for a bit. then back on chem maybe.
or go to rob's house.. or jordan's....
no idea yet..

Thinking

everyday its just more apparent..
i cant wait to go to uni.
got other jobs i am applying for..
with more money and good hours..
so just gotta call and ask and stuff..
there is always something out there.
i just gotta look.
looking at a chem paper atm... and just thinking what i am going to do 2moro.
tuesday are free now that my EP is done with..
wow. another day off meaning revision time =]
awesome really...

Hmm

Not much to say atm..
didnt get the job at waitrose or tesco..
oh well..
got other jobs i can apply for..
it isnt the end of the world..
just waiting for things is all...
one thing is that i cant wait to go to uni..
for so many reasons i think..
til then..
revision and jobhunting...

Now it begins...

Now that the Sabbath begins.. I just thought about healing broken hearts.. listening to a sermon on it now.. one thing i cant wait for is uni...
and just other things in the air..

At college

At college.. listening to Onimusha 2 OST.
also doing my EPQ.. just relaxing and chilling =]
hmm.. a good day today..

AWESOME WOO DAY!!!!

TODAY WAS AWESOME FOR SO MANY REASONS!
I UNDERSTAND A BIT MORE OF CORE 4!!
MY EP STUFF IS GOING AMAZING, AND EVERYONE WHO WAS THE EP MEETING LOVED MY LOG!!
I GOT A BIT TO DO ON IT, BUT I CAN DO IT!! =]
ALSO GOT A INTERVIEW FOR WAITROSE!! XD
I QUAD-CHECKED THE DATE ON MY CALENDAR JUST TO MAKE SURE IT WAS THE RIGHT DAY!
YES, TODAY WAS AWESOME..
ALL THANKS TO GOD =] <3

I Find it easier... yet so hard to do..

Today was a nice day. in all the sense of the word..
but there was one thing i wanted to do which i did.
i wanted a new beginning, so i took everything that reminded me of the pain out. it was a bit difficult, and part of me didnt want to do it, but i did it. because i think its the right thing to do for me.
the pain will lessen as time goes on.. how i feel now, will hopefully be gone by the time uni starts.
went to japanese today; twas good. everyone was happy and impressed on how far i had gone. i was as well ^o^/
now that night is falling, i am just trying to keep my mind on uni, and not things i feel will distract me.
but i also have to let go of the feelings that still remain..
they go..
slowly..
but they go..
on a brighter note, new pc on friday i was told!! ^^
cant wait for that!!
and handing the project tomorrow to be assessed!!
:O
should be ok !! =]
now time to go home =]

Even more woo

Just at college.. still..
lol
doing math =]
loving it! :D XD

Woo!!!!! XD

Gotta say, having no pc stinks..
but anyway..
today i woke up early for the first time in months perhaps year!!
i was like Thank You God!! ^.^
then i read my lesson and did some japanese for the next 3 hours and a bit. twas so nice =]
now i am at college, eating crackers, and waitrose has a job going on it!
i am so on it!! :D
But i will be getting something better than my cpu in less than 2 weeks!!
Woo!! =]
so overall, i am like =]

ok.. it works.. :S

now after pressing the forward and backwards button, it went into "disk mode".. whatever that is..
anyway, its charging, so i will leave it and get back to it later!
woo! =]

Darn thing...

My ipod just wont work..
it keeps turning on and off by itself and has been doing that since last night..
i dont know why and i tried everything and it wont work..
grr...

A Ad Eyelet Silk Kimono Tyro

Man..
just had a moment of the past..
and it didnt tickle..
i thought by now i would be over this..
still not..
it still hurts...
just gotta put this behind me.. and do work..
just get to uni... and...
then what??
just train..
just train... :/
人は、この感じ立ち去らない...

Hesitant Whys Oily

I did some chem revision today..
also there was something else i noticed..
as i was reading something a friend wrote, i realised that he is desperate for love.
just like i am.
but i now have a different way of showing it. i conceal it, as he does.
but i dont let it get to me.
i make myself busy.
i thought about flirting with a girl that i know.. but i am not too sure if i want to..
being friends here is better than flirting i can say.
i have a motto- " 神がこれに起こってほしかったら全世界の何もそれを停止できない
^.^
until uni gets here, i can only wait.
and be ready..

Its still sunny

just ate a while ago.. it was good.
revising a bit of chemistry.
nan is here.
also thinking about university..
daunting yet exciting =]

Hmm

I find myself now with one option:
Going to uni..
Nothing else in the temporary sense matters..
Got a new mouse (thanks Rasheed =] )
but it gets a bit temperamental at times.. lol
anyway..
atm i am just thinking..
uni is my new start..
hmm...

Lost and Found

i was looking for my license for my theory, the other part of it and i couldnt find it.
so i was like "nani?!?!" and i went upside down on my room.
then i found memmory lane. and i stopped and read..
and i wondered to myself, "if only i could go back to 2008 and do things right and avoid the heartaches i had and mistakes i made.." but oh well.
now to put everything back and do work...
woo... >.< lol

Looking through a glass darkly...

I just thought about something that is really important in my life..
i mean over the past couple of days and maybe weeks, i havent been what i should have been..
and i realised that i have gone off track with God.
He knows it.
I know it.
Simple.
But when i stop and realise, "hey this world isnt all there is to it" that i realise that i need to change.
problem: i cant.
not by myself.
i love what i do.
but i have to change.
and i want to change.
but i cant. by myself.
so what do i do?
I need God.
Only He can stop me from having the dark desires i crave and want, and to turn me around fully and to stop me doing them..
another thing i realise is that this life is nothing.
its in a sense.. worthless..
i say that because of what is coming up after this..
eternity..
and whether or not i want to think about it, it is going to happen..
100 years is going to seem like nothing in contrast to a yajillion years(made up word i know but still!)
and then.. even then.. Jesus will just say, "its not even begun yet!"
i want to live eternally..
there are things on this planet i always wanted to do, but havent done..
proper horse riding..
swimming(yea, i know i can do it here, but still...)
play with sharks =]
fly and such :D
the Devil just wants to distract me with this life, so that i dont prepare for the other one..
and i gotta say, i fell for it, playing games like halo and such..
i thought "woo. this is the life".
uh no.
as much as i loved those games, i want to hate them like i used to.
i told someone that i wouldnt do something, then i started doing it again.
and they were like, how come u told me u wasnt yet you are doing it again?
and i couldnt answer it..
some crap answer i gave, but it wasnt a good one..
its time for me to stop being 2 sided about this christianity.
especially as uni is approaching..
i need to decide whose side i am going to be on.
God's. or Satan's.
My life depends on that answer..
other thing i thought about was what was i going to do about this situation with jodi.
i mean personally, i want to talk to her.. but i also ask if i am truly ready to do so..
at times i think i am ready to do so.
hmm.
only time can tell, and how i feel about it then..
besides that..
nothing else at the moment..

Man What A Day

today wasnt too bad..
chem was good.
was going to have band practice, but rock school said we couldnt!
so i was like!?!?!"?!"?!"
anyway, i spoke to the music teacher, and she said we can practice on monday.. so thats good.
this extended project is getting close...
so much to get done in a sense..
the lyrics to get done.. to record it. to get people's opinions for the end of the song.. if i cant get it at the time, i can do one or two, and use that for the research..
hmm.. i got some time.. but so much to do!! >.<
also i left my keys so i had to wait for my mom to get home again¬¬
also now project x has 5 members now! :D
now i am like ahh..
eating time..
so much to think about....
this project is most on my mind...

Backing up stuff

Rasheed gave me his hd to back up my pc.
doing it now...
going nicely =]
6 months and counting til uni!! :D

Heading out..

Right.. Going out soon..
Dave's not feeling well, but his mom said that she would let me know how he is doing later.
i got to go to heathcote for that practical.. at 2..
might as well as study before then.. but should i stay at home or go to school and do it??
hmm...

Night time..

Just doing some work..
As usual..
Got a lot done today as well. So that's not bad for me..
Time to do a bit more then sleep.
Funny.
I never gone to sleep this early in a LONG time..
Looks like a change is coming..

What would life be on this planet without love?

Would life even exist for a day without it?
Everyone scrambling and wanting for themselves.
If others cant get it, too bad.
Thats how it would be.
In some parts of the world, thats how it is. And to those who are in that position,
its a living nightmare for them.
Sometimes I wonder what this planet would be like if God never came back to save it from utter destruction, and Satan was to be the master of this planet.
I think about it, and I shudder.
I am glad that God is in control.
1日。 この苦痛はすべて行く。 そして幸福は最終的に楽しむことができる。
one day.. all this pain will be gone.. and happiness can finally be enjoyed..

愛は何であるか. (What is Love?)

As i thought about writing this, i thought to my own self- what is love?
Is it something that people always want and think they have but in fact they never have it?
Is it something that can be obtained at all?
How do you know that what you have is love?
I dont ask this a sceptic of love, because i believe love is real and vibrant.
I also believe i have been in love before, and the pain of separation from it.
so i dont doubt it.
but as i am downloading sermons and about to listen to them, i wonder-
Where will i find this love for another human being? its something always spoken about in books, films, and all sorts. But what myself personally? When is it my true time?
Obviously I am not God Himself; only He knows when and where and how this will come about.
But something is new about me in a sense as well.
Now that i am single again, i dont feel that loneliness that i felt when i was single before..
There are times when i think of how it used to be when i wasnt, and how happy i was. but..
now there isnt a loneliness of sorts.. i just try to think about university and the chances and things i can do there.
uni..
the place of dreams and desires.
where i can be me all the time.
a time where i can explore myself and be myself.
scary yet amazing.
thrilling yet terrifying.
and i cant wait.
another thing i also learned is that when I, Siddell James Bloodsaw, stops looking for someone to share all this pent-up love that he has in his heart with that woman, that God Himself will be able to use the time alone to make me ready for that person.
whoever it is.

主は、喜んでであることを決定している私を作る。 私をあなたが私にとあってほしいその人の準備ができたようにする時期を使用しなさい。
ありがとう.
(God, make me willing to be willing. use the time to make me ready for that person you want me to be with. thank you.)

Every Day Gets Closer..

Every day is another day closer to when i go to uni..
looking at accommodation stuff now..
a lot to look through for the 3rd time but still better early than late...

OMD!!!

good news!!
B&Q want to interview me!! they will get in touch on friday!! :D
^.^

Time to plan and to think...

If I am honest, today was stressful in a sense and not so in another..
its just these exams to pay for.. it gets to me..
mom was saying about choosing the unis now..
i am going to choose lancaster and reading as my 2 after talking with her on it.
also the ep is not going bad. just so much to do on it..
man it gets to me..
and to top it off, my pc has a virus somehow..
need to get it off.
write later..

Man it works when you do it..

Stuck to a plan today for revision, and didnt deviate in any major way.. nice =]
also was thinking about what console to get at uni..
ps3 or 360??
the battle continues =]

Man I need to get some sleep...

I shouldnt even be up.. But i am..
and i am hungry as well.. >.<
oh well..
was looking through some friends stuff..
glad to see he's with someone he wants.. =]
i dont even need to say anything..
said it before..
but i am hungry!! >.<
ahh...
i am gone.

Thinking...

I was just thinking...
At uni, i am going to be starting a lot of things pretty much from scratch...
Martial arts.. scratch..
Guitar theory.. scratch..
Nutrition.. scratch...
Bodybuilding.. scratch...
Japanese.. scratch..
I have so much i want to do and say now..
but there isnt time it seems.. :/
it's annoying and frustrating when i cant do everything i want to do now..
one day hopefully, i can do those things i want to do now..
hopefully..

Let this night be a good one...

Sabbath started..
Before it started, i was looking at some stuff to begin working out..
now i still need to get the weights and the pullup bar, as well as sort as much as possible the nutrition.. but i will start soon.
also applied for asda.. hopefully i can get in..
got to retake 5 exams...
plus the ones i got to do now..
i must get 2 B's..
thats all i want.. and i will work nonstop til i get them. if i can get higher then all the better..
there are some times, like now when my heart feels that emptiness..
and i know why...
but its at this time, i try to make myself busy.. and talk to God about it..
the pain will go when its time to fully go..
for now, i dont need or want a relationship, because of all this work i have to do..
part of me wants one.. and feels like its a need.
which it is in a sense.. but lets get to uni, and then i can look for a potential girlfriend..
for now..
become the social hermit..
and workout..
and to channel my frustration and anger into that..
it'll pay off..
it has to.

This morning..

Guess today is the day i find out what my results are..
i pray that they are good and few retakes as possible...
also just in a low mood...
and it sucks..
just feel cold inside and outside..
:/
it'll pass..
but what a way to start a morning..

Some days seem harder to bear than others..

Just in one of those moods..
the one where you think and feel as if it would be better if you werent around sort of moods..
I know that isnt the case. People do want me around.
I just feel at times, because i mess up so much, that it would be better at times, for split seconds if i wasnt here..
hmm...
every now and then, pangs of that comes.. then goes..
sometimes i wonder if i am going to make it there or not..
the mind wonders..
:/

Today is starting to be a nice day

i just came home. i had a lot of things on my mind. i got a letter from reading about my course. because they think i need a boost, they gave me a course for a science with a foundation course. and i thought that meant they thought i wasnt good enough. until my mom read it to me. after i complete the first year, i can do the MEng of computer science and cybernetics!!! i am like <3!!!!
OMD!!!
also went to david's house. it was good.
that means i am like woo!!
i also had a pang of loneliness as well... but it passed just like the others.
what i wish is that is the good times never ended, and the bad times never came.
but if that happened, it wouldnt be life.
so...
i am still so happy about the reading course!!
now i got to work my butt off!! :D
^.^

i am off to sleep

i just thought to write one last thing..
if she is reading this.
if she still reads this..
part of me wants to talk to her.. but the pain is too great to do it right now..
one day hopefully, i can talk to her and not feel this pain..
hopefully.

that's just it..

someone just told me something that i knew but it felt as if it hit me square between the eyes.
i feel like this because she was the first love of my life.
so separation from her feels like death in the emotional sense..
am i being too much into this?
am i just babbling like a fool? who doesnt know any better?
i wonder at times..

what a day..

this day was one of the most painful i have felt in quite a while..
i have just been all over the place emotionally and mentally, and i havent been doing as much work as i need to be.
i went through nearly every mood possible today; from happy to inexpressable sadness.
in some parts due to this heartache..
i sometimes just want to scream at the top of my lungs, and just scream.
scream until my lungs want to burst.
scream until the pain stops hurting.
i even think about morbid things every now and then.
things i wouldnt think about if i was being in the right mind.
then i ask myself, "WHY AM I FEELING THIS WAY?! THIS HURTS TOO MUCH TO EVEN WANT TO DESCRIBE!"
then i remembered one thing.
if it didnt hurt, what i went through would have meant i felt nothing and everything was a lie.
the pain is a sign that i put my heart into it.
and came out the wrong end.
sometimes i do wonder.
i really do..
what it would be like to not be here..
just for a bit..
maybe to not exist..
just to not feel this nagging and deep pain..
i want to make it stop.
but it wont.
it feels like a wound that gets deeper and deeper, with each night..
people say it will pass..
i understand that..
but at the moment, it feels like nothing will make it go away.
because i have so many questions in my head.. i feel like i am the unworthy. the unnoticed. the last thing people, even a woman would want.
all because i feel like this.
this heartache makes me want to cry until every bit of water cant escape my body anymore.
i cant even remember the last time i felt this much emotional pain over a relationship loss.
not even for natalie.
and i thought i was in it for her..
just goes to show myself.
maybe its better if i just dont have emotion, not to show it like i used to.
all it gets me is heartache.
i try to show it, i get the rejection sooner or later.
all i feel now is that when i look at a relationship, instead of feeling peace of mind that i am with that one woman that can make me happy, i now feel fear.
fear of rejection, and that she will say the words that will launch me into pain once again.
i dont want that.
i thought this would be different.
an end to all the lonely nights and days i had.
it felt like it would be.
but the dream turned into the deepest nightmare.
is there a way out of this nightmare??

Now at home.

Today was good.
I got to talk to some people about recent events in my life.
They all told me the same thing:
There are more women out there.
True.
Just have to find them.
Also my nan said that my prayer should be for now is to ask God to lead me to the person that He wants me to spend my life with.
I am already asking.
Now the waiting time begins..

Hmm.. Vegetarianism

I have been looking into it for a while now today. I mean there are no bad effects of it.
I am not a full vegetarian, and i dont knock it as i lived with a vegan for two years(my nan) so i know what its like.
But because i want to do bodybuilding, i am interested in what it does for that.
Surprisingly, it does alot.
So does that mean i will become vegetarian overnight?
No.
But i am changing slowly in that direction.
slowly.
but surely.
also about muscle growth.
very interesting stuff. =]

Sabbath begins..

Now that Sabbath has started, i see it as a new beginning.
I was wondering whether to write how i feel on this.. if i should..
to be honest, i dont want to because if people want to know, they can ask.
Either way, to me, I will move on, and become stronger through this.
Its night now.
Yet I want sunshine.
I have that longing... which means one thing...
I want eternity.
I want security..
and comfort..
God will take care of me..
always does..
always will.
even when i feel like absolute crap and i feel like I will never be happy and whole..
He uses that time to bring me and to hold me closer than a human being can.
Like other people say, "there are other fish in the sea."
and i say that's true..
now all i have to do is face the sea and cast again.

The Day is done. the Night begins..

It's over.
On the single road again.
So much for so little.
It hurts in a sense and it doesnt because i asked God for help.
Oh well. No point dwelling on it.
Time to do what i have to do and that is that.
God, help me to move forward. And not to dwell on the past.
Even if it was the best at that present time.

Life right now is good

Chatting to her..
listening to some calm music..
playing a game..
and just calm..
nice =]

He he ^^

I just realised one other thing.
She is amazing as in AMAZING =]
I do love how she wants to know what i do and stuff =]
That was it =]
^.^

I have come to one realization

And it is this.
She was right. I have nothing to fret over. I dont know why i was anyway. well i think i was because i didnt want to hurt her. that is the last thing even closest to my mind. i never want to hurt her in anyway shape or form. so i guess when i felt that way, i thought i did. so it was to make sure that i didnt i guess.
go figure that one out.
anyway.
I dont think she knows at times how much she means to me.
I am glad i have her; she knows that part. But i mean i am just happy that she is in my life, and that she prays for me.
God knows i need it.
I think that is why i hold onto this. I dont want to lose what i have with her.
I enjoy her company, and her smile and her laugh.
It makes me want to live more than i do now =]
At the end of it, God helps me continue to love and support her.
As i grow in Him, He helps me to say and think and act right according to her.
Only God Himself knows the full extent of how much i love her.
And that is fine with me.
=]
The Devil isnt winning this night.
Victory to God.
Onwards and Upwards.

Its Late

But i am up.
not a night time late night person, but i am up.
but at the moment, i feel.. how can i put it..
sad.
He may feel like fearing to fail.
i feel like i am fearing to fail and fearing in general.
over what?
because i feel at this moment in time that i did something.
though i didnt.
so why feel like this?
sometimes i wonder if i torment myself because i like doing it.
i dont, but sometimes i wonder.

Woo.. =]

Well my phone finally gave up the ghost.
After two years of faithful service, my Samsung D900i, died on 2/11/2010 at 1:34 pm.
The funeral is to be planned. ='[
So now I went and got a new phone, the LG Cookie in Black =]
and it is so awesome =]
anyway i am writing stuff for my first book, and julius is my assistant manager. =]
nice.
=]
listening to classic fm as well =]
so all's good.

ARGH

FINALLY GOT THE SIMS: WA AND I CANT PLAY IT BECAUSE MY SPECS ARENT ALL UP 2 SCRATCH!
SPENT 2 HOURS TRYING TO FIND STUFF FOR IT, AND NOW I AM TRYING TO SEE IF I CAN GET AN UPGRADE FOR THE CPU..
DARN THING..
ANYWAY BESIDES THAT.
DAY WAS AWESOME=]
WENT TO BALDOCK, HITCHIN AND LETCHWORTH. =]
AND WENT CRAZY FAST =]
WOO

I sorted out what I need to do

Right. Now that i got some money, the theory test i can book soon.
then 3 more lessons and then i can go in for the practical.
by the end of march, i can pass =]
if all goes to plan.
Mom's birthday today!
She loved her present which came today as well :D
THANK YOU AMAZON =]
Missing Jodi. =[
but seeing her sunday!!! :D
SO HAPPY FOR ASHLEY AS WELL.
GO YOU MAN =]

Home..

Now i am home..
i am a bit cold in the feet area..
also got some programming to do =]
and some chem and math !
someone say yay :D
Yay =]

A lot to say..

I was going 2 write earlier. but i had class so i had to wait.
got some work to catch up on for math but i can handle that.
i am going to start mma again.
at college atm, which is cool.
i wonder what jodi is doing ^^.
going to go home and do some work and then some japanese.
gotta hand in those cv's.
talk about alot to do..
i cant remember now what to do.. he he.
i got my mom's card.
may have to wait for the present though.
lol
cant wait til Jodi gets here!
well not here but we're going to London for the day !!
^^.
noice.
=]

Hmm

Two months today blog..
nice =]
I am so amazingly happy. =]
that was it :D

Today was nothing short of awesomeness

Everything was good =]
had 10 hours sleep.
noice..
worship was amazing.
noice.
driving lesson was amazing.
noice.
i understand a lot more than i thought. =]
noice. =]
i am in love with Jodi.
=]
noice.
she makes me so amazingly happy.
noice.
everything is good.
thanks to God=]
noice.
you know what?
noice. =]

just thinking..

about how i mean to God.
i mean i cant fully explain it. but it came to me earlier tonight.
He wants me. for me. even though i did what i did. He wants me.
He never wants to lose me.
He wants me with Him forever, to enjoy rest and enjoyment in eternity.
Eternity is a long time.
sometimes i get scared about eternity; because in this life, nothing last forever, so you get used to it.
but wow.
This earth made new. everything times an immeasurable amount.
and her.
i want her to be there.
with me.
and my family and everyone that i know here.
but that is their choice.
oh how i wish everyone would make it,but alas their choice!
sometimes i wonder what this planet would be like without sin.
well in eternity i can know and i can relax then knowing that sin will never rise again.
you know, in Ecclesiastes, he said that God put eternity in man's heart.
every time i look at something natural, i think about eternity.
wow.
Just wow.

Oh yes!

I was thinking... today..
anyway..
took forever to leave to do due to the bathroom (or me in it, shaving) taking ages..
got to school and forgot had driving lesson so doing it 2moro.
core 3 and 4 are a bit meh at the moment, but not to fear, Mr.C will help me :D
bring on chem exam 2moro! MUHAHAHAHHA
oh wait i need to revise that bit of chromatography..
lol
til next time! :D
and 2moro i will reveal who she is :D <3

i have been thinking

well in truth when dont i?
anyway that isnt the point..
i wanted to do this weight training thing for a while now, and now i want and i will do it.
all the good.
no bad.
seems good.
when i will start is when i get all the equipment. which i will spend no time wasting to get.
its for 2 reasons.
well 3.
1. i want to do it for me.
2. i want to do it for God's glory.
3. i want to do it to have a better body for her.
good enough reasons?
I think so.

starting soon..

i will start my weight training regime =]
and i even got the website that will help me :D
hence all the favs on facebook.
she's was like"am i supposed to be worried?"
i am like "nope".
but you like the result in a years time and such =]
Lord, help me not to quit but to stick to this:D
i used to start before but now i will do it properly.
and the nutrition part i need to talk to my mom about..
thats all.
OH! and my eng lit exam is 2moro!
worship then off to sleep!

Going off..

well heres to a night well spent.

i learned so much.

wished so much.

nothing but hope dominates me.

this world is out to destroy its own people.

everything is geared by Satan to destroy everyone.

but people are ignorant.

this one isnt.

but how do i let people know ?

hopefully they will see this blog..

hopefully.

more to come when i can find the time and words to put it into this..

also i missed her by this much!! =[

darn it !!

=[

I learned a lot today..

day was good. exam was alright..

that isnt the point of this blog.

i found out alot of celebs are freemasons..

and alot about what people's name mean..

very interesting..

Here at school.. revising amongst other things..

today wasnt too bad..
woke up. eventually.
got a message from her..
and its like last night was a severe nightmare, and now i am awake.
good stuff..
anyway today..
saw mr.c in the end to do some core 4. it was good.
got the book i needed to get from Mrs. Palmer. doing some chem revision now.
then home.
should be able 2 go to Rhys' next wednesday. gotta tell Rasheed that..
and missing her sorely..
=[

Sometimes i just wonder..

if i do anything right the first time round..

for the past couple of nights she's been stressed cos of the work she is doing..

thats normal..

but when we talk, i dont always answer quickly, or because i am doing something while talking to her..

which gets on her nerves..

alot.

tonight felt like another chapter in a book i dont want to write, but i seem to be writing.

i dont want to get on her nerves but i seem to when i dont always respond like that..

i didnt get it at first, but now i am starting too.

i can see what she is getting at.

oh boy..

what am i going to do ?

i do have legit reasons why i dont always answer her on the spot. but they arent going to cut ice at times. so i dont say anything.

but i will try to stop doing it; although i am not always sure what i am doing at times.

what a day anyway.

Japanese was good.

did some revision in chem which was good. and will do some math 2moro with Mr. C.

good times.

got 2 weeks worth of ep done in one week =]

first time ever! :D

i dont want to end on a bad note with her tonight.

not tonight.

or any night.

this isnt how it is supposed to go.

how to happen.

its supposed to be like "yay, goodnight" that sorta thing.

not "i am annoyed, but i will talk later".

she isnt in the wrong.

she just wants to get some space by talking to me.

but i dont always respond.

which adds to her stress cos she wants to relieve it by talking to me.

sometimes i wonder why she even wants me at all if all i am doing at the moment is annoying her by not talking as much.

the mind wonders..

Revision time.. Game time..

So much revision to do!

Its crazy really.

But here's the run-down on everything thats happened so far since the last blog:

1. Saw her last Saturday; was absolutely worth the trip there, in more ways than one. =]
2. I now have a new found love for Asda.
3. She looks good in jeans. =]
4. Reeal good.
5. what they said. =]
6. had math exams.
7. studying now for chemistry ones.
8. thought about uni stuff.
9. being with her.
10. doing a lot more of my extended project. more of the writing side of it.
11. thinking about revision and stuff.

so yeah, thats pretty much it. for now anyway. =]

So here i am..

with a cold.. doing chemistry. listening to music.
oh boy.
and not going to japanese tonight because mom said not to.
so i will do it here.
and i miss her..
oh boy..
what a day..
:/

Oh how i am loved.

As i sat down to eat, i thought of my day.

One of the thoughts was constant.

I wanted her in my presence.

I wanted to hold her, to touch her, to be with her.

Is that wrong?

No it isnt.

Its natural.

I left her messages throughout the day, hoping she would respond.

As i was watching a sermon, she did!

My heart was so happy! I tell you! It did backflips. =]

Then i thought about how much God loved me.

How He was there.. picture this.

the darkness all around. Sounds muffled and noncoherent.

Liquid passing through you and around you.

But a hand is felt all the way through.

Suddenly.. Light! Bursting light! Breath for the first time!

God Himself said He carried You through birth, holding your hand.

Watching You as You formed, as Doing it at the same time.

He loves it when You smile. When you are happy.

He will be with You til the day You breathe Your last.

Because You made it a goal to be so close to Him that You can Hear His Footsteps.

Even death is not a bad thing; its a sleep, but You can hear His Voice.

I will come back for You, because You mean the world to me.

that went through my mind when i was away from her eating.

all of that.

then i was like.

wow. God wants me this much. Everyday i wake up, I say to myself, God wants me. He wants me to live today. If He didnt, He could've left me to do die in the hospital that christmas day 19 years ago.

Satan would've loved it.

God saw different.

He even said of me, I loved You before You were born. I have great things for You. Come and follow Me.

Before everyday is even done, it is the Book already, though it didnt even happen yet!

Now i come to her.

I love her so much.

It hurts at times.

Then i realise this;

she loves me back.

I dont understand why. i dont know why. but i stopped questioning why now.

Its like God's love in a microcosm; I cant understand it, but I just bask in it.

I want to make her happy.

Just like God does.

I want to make her secure. Like God does.

I know God can do it infinitesimally more than i can.

I am not bothered; He is God. of course He can.

I can just do what He gives me the power to do.

But You know what?

私は私が常にほしかった何かを有する: 彼女の中心。 そして私は内容である.

watashi wa watashi ga toko ni hoshikatta nani ka wo asuru: Kanojo no chūshin . soshite watashi wa naiyou de aru.

I have something I always wanted: Her heart. and I am content.

What a Day =] so far..

woke this morning was like woo!!!

then slept again.

then my nan called. asked for mom. the usual.

anyway.

woke up again. mom said breakfast, and i was up!

i saw my plate. then i saw hers.

four small bits of plaintain to her loads..

same amount of sausage.

and beans.

cept i had pancakes. she didnt.

but that isnt the main point.

she had jamaican chocolate tea!

a lot!

and i had a mouthful it seemed to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

what?!

she said she thought i wouldnt drink it so she didnt give me alot.

ok fair enough that is usually true.

but when i had that tea.

it was better than ANY CHOCOLATE THAT IS MADE HERE.

it is the real cocoa.

not the one here.

anyway..

she laughed and called Nannie Winnie twice; one for the food, and the other for the miniscule amount of tea i had!

bad times.

anyway.

doesnt matter now =]

so..

we spoke in the night and in the morning.

she told me she drank at some party.

yea. she knew my response.

but she also wants to know where in the bible it says not to drink.

well here are the scriptures and the reason behind them: (i am not trying to judgmental or condemning, but just showing these in love =])

1. What do the Scriptures say about alcohol, wine and liquor? Proverbs 20:1, RSV. "Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler; and whoever is led astray by it is not wise." - meaning this. Those who think there is something good in alcohol forwhatever reason is by the Bible quoted as not wise. God himself says this through Solomon.
2. Why is drinking dangerous? Ephesians 5:18, TEV. "Do not get drunk with wine, which will only ruin you; instead be filled with the Spirit."-Paul himself says dont get drunk as it will ruin you. it even means to drink a small amount. yes it wont make you drunk as a skunk but still. the first scripture proves that point.
3. With what sins is drunkenness classed? Galatians 5:19-21, NIV. "The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity …idolatry and witchcraft…drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."- if You thought it was ok to drink, it is classed with people who cant go to heaven. therefore God must see something wrong with it.
4. How do alcoholic drinks affect those who use them? Proverbs 23:29-35, TLB. "Whose heart is filled with anguish and sorrow? Who is always fighting and quarreling? Who is the man with bloodshot eyes and many wounds? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new mixtures." -alot of people like to mix drinks. bad enough as it is. but that is worse, as Solomon points out.
5. Don't let the sparkle and the smooth taste of strong wine deceive you. "For in the end it bites like a poisonous serpent; it stings like an adder. You will see hallucinations and have delirium tremors, and you will say foolish, silly things that would embarrass you to no end when sober. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And afterwards you will say, 'I didn’'t even know it when they beat me up.'
6. Pure grape juice is a blessing to man. Isaiah 65:8, NKJV. "As the new wine is found in the cluster…one says, 'Do not destroy it, for a blessing is in it…'".- alternative to Alcohol- my beloved grape juice-

now those are the scriptures.

but here are the common questions people ask about alcohol and the answers.

DOES THE BIBLE CONDONE MODERATE USE OF THESE SUBSTANCES?

· AARON AND HIS SONS, THE PRIESTS, WERE STRICTLY FORBIDDEN TO DRINK EITHER WINE OR STRONG DRINK WHEN THEY WENT INTO THE TABERNACLE TO MINISTER BEFORE THE LORD (LEVITICUS 10:9). NAZARITES WERE LIKEWISE FORBIDDEN TO USE WINE WHILE UNDER THE VOW (NUMBERS 6:3,20; CF. JUDGES 13:4-7). THE RECHABITES LIVED A NOTEWORTHY EXAMPLE OF PERMANENT ABSTINENCE FROM WINE, ADHERING STRICTLY TO THE COMMAND OF THEIR ANCESTOR, JONADAB, TO REFRAIN FROM IT (JEREMIAH 35:2,5,6,8,14). PROVERBS IS REPLETE WITH WARNINGS AGAINST INDULGENCE IN WINE AND STRONG DRINK (PROVERBS 20:1; 21:17; 23:30,31; 31:4). WINE MOCKS THOSE WHO USE IT (CHAPTER 20:1), AND REWARDS THEM WITH WOE, SORROW, STRIFE, AND WOUNDS WITHOUT CAUSE (CHAPTER 23:29,30). "IN THE END IT BITES LIKE A SNAKE AND POISONS LIKE A VIPER." (VERSE 32) THE PROPHET ISAIAH DECLARED, "WOE TO THOSE WHO ARE HEROES AT DRINKING WINE AND CHAMPIONS AT MIXING DRINKS." (ISAIAH. 5:22 NIV) DANIEL AND HIS COMPATRIOTS SET A WORTHY EXAMPLE BY REFUSING TO DRINK OF THE KING'S WINE (DANIEL 1:5,8,10-16). WHEN FASTING LATER IN LIFE, DANIEL ABSTAINED FROM "FLESH" AND "WINE" (CHAPTER 10:3). -SO FROM THIS, THE BIBLE CHAMPIONS WERE TOLD NOT TO DO IT. DANIEL, WHO EVERYONE KNOWS FOR THIS STEADFASTNESS DIDNT DO IT; SO WHY SHOULD I? BUT I WILL CONTINUE ON.

· THE USUAL NEW TESTAMENT WORD FOR WINE, WHETHER FERMENTED OR UNFERMENTED, IS OISNOS. JESUS LIKENED HIS REVOLUTIONARY TEACHING TO NEW WINE, WHICH WOULD BURST THE OLD BOTTLES OF TRADITION (MATTHEW 9:17). PAUL WARNED BELIEVERS AGAINST DRUNKENNESS (EPHESIANS 5:18), AND DECLARES THAT DEACONS SHOULD NOT BE "ADDICTED TO MUCH WINE" (1 TIMOTHY 3:8). HE COUNSELED TITUS THAT THE OLDER WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE "SLAVES TO DRINK" (TITUS 2:3).

· BUT WHAT ABOUT WHAT PAUL SAID TO TIMOTHY ABOUT HAVING A LITTLE WINE? - FOR RELIEF FROM A DIGESTIVE AILMENT, PAUL RECOMMEND "A LITTLE WINE" TO TIMOTHY. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT 1 TIMOTHY 5:23 IN PARTICULAR. PHYSICAL AILMENTS SUCH AS DYSENTERY, OFTEN DUE TO CONTAMINATED WATER, WERE COMMON OCCURRENCES. CONSEQUENTLY, OTHER WAYS TO QUENCH THIRST WERE OFTEN RECOMMENDED. SOME COMMENTATORS BELIEVE THAT PAUL HERE WAS ADVOCATING THE TEMPERATE USE OF FERMENTED WINE FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES. THEY CALL ATTENTION TO THE FACT THAT WINE HAS, THROUGH THE CENTURIES, BEEN USED FOR THIS. OTHERS SAY THAT PAUL REFERS TO UNFERMENTED GRAPE JUICE, THEIR REASONING BEING THAT HE WOULD NOT GIVE ADVICE INCONSISTENT WITH THE REST OF SCRIPTURE, WHICH WARNS AGAINST THE USE OF INTOXICATING BEVERAGES (SEE PROVERBS 20:1; 23:29-32). THE PURPOSE OF PAUL'S COUNSEL IS THAT TIMOTHY SHOULD BE PHYSICALLY FIT FOR THE HEAVY DUTIES THAT REST UPON HIM AS ADMINISTRATOR OF THE CHURCHES IN ASIA MINOR. MENTAL AND MORAL ALERTNESS ARE CLOSELY RELATED TO PHYSICAL FITNESS. APPARENTLY TIMOTHY WAS FREQUENTLY ILL. A BODY FREQUENTLY SICK IS NOT AN ATTRACTIVE ADVERTISEMENT FOR ANY KIND OF HEALTH REFORM.

EFFECT OF ALCOHOL/WINE ON OUR BODIES

OUR BODIES ARE TEMPLES OF THE LIVING GOD VIA THE AGENT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. (1 CORINTHIANS 3:16, 6:19) GOD IS CONCERNED WITH HOW WE TREAT THESE, HIS WORKS OF UNSURPASSED ART. (1 CORINTHIANS 3:17) THE WISE SOLOMON SAID, "WINE IS A MOCKER AND BEER A BRAWLER; WHOEVER IS LED ASTRAY BY THEM IS NOT WISE." (PROVERBS 20:1 NIV) AND AGAIN IN VERSE 31, "DO NOT GAZE AT WINE WHEN IT IS RED, WHEN IT SPARKLES IN THE CUP, WHEN IT GOES DOWN SMOOTHLY!" (PROVERBS 23:31 NIV) WHY?

SHORT-TERM EFFECTS OF ALCOHOL USE INCLUDE:

DISTORTED　VISION, HEARING, AND COORDINATION ALTERED PERCEPTIONS AND EMOTIONSIMPAIRED JUDGMENT BAD BREATH; HANGOVERS

SOME PROBLEMS LIKE THOSE ABOVE CAN OCCUR AFTER DRINKING OVER A RELATIVELY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. BUT OTHER PROBLEMS-SUCH AS LIVER DISEASE, HEART DISEASE, CERTAIN FORMS OF CANCER, AND PANCREATITIS-OFTEN DEVELOP MORE GRADUALLY AND MAY BECOME EVIDENT ONLY AFTER YEARS OF DRINKING. WOMEN MAY DEVELOP ALCOHOL-RELATED HEALTH PROBLEMS SOONER THAN MEN, AND FROM DRINKING LESS ALCOHOL THAN MEN. BECAUSE ALCOHOL AFFECTS NEARLY EVERY ORGAN IN THE BODY, LONG-TERM DRINKING INCREASES THE RISK FOR MANY SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS.

HEART DISEASE. THE MODERATE USE OF ALCOHOL HAS BEEN REPORTED TO HAVE BENEFICIAL EFFECTS ON THE HEART, ESPECIALLY AMONG THOSE AT GREATEST RISK FOR HEART ATTACKS, SUCH AS MEN OVER THE AGE OF 45 AND WOMEN AFTER MENOPAUSE. HOWEVER, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW THAT THESE REPORTS AS BASED ON OBSERVATIONAL DATA. BUT THERE IS INSUFFICIENT EVIDENCE TO PROVE CAUSALITY. IT IS ALSOVITAL TO RECOGNIZE THAT NONE OF THESE INVESTIGATORS HAS RECOMMENDED THOSE NOT USING ALCOHOL BEGIN DOING SO! HEAVY DRINKING INCREASES THE RISK FOR HEART DISEASE, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, AND SOME KINDS OF STROKE.

CANCER. LONG-TERM HEAVY DRINKING INCREASES THE RISK OF CERTAIN FORMS OF CANCER, ESPECIALLY CANCER OF THE ESOPHAGUS, MOUTH, THROAT, AND LARYNX (VOICE BOX). RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT, IN SOME WOMEN, AS LITTLE AS ONE DRINK PER DAY CAN SLIGHTLY RAISE THE RISK OF BREAST CANCER. DRINKING MAY ALSO INCREASE THE RISK FOR DEVELOPING CANCER OF THE COLON AND RECTUM.

PANCREATITIS. THE PANCREAS HELPS REGULATE THE BODY'S BLOOD SUGAR LEVELS BY PRODUCING INSULIN. THE PANCREAS ALSO HAS A ROLE IN DIGESTING THE FOOD WE EAT. LONG-TERM HEAVY DRINKING CAN LEAD TO PANCREATITIS, OR INFLAMMATION OF THE PANCREAS. ACUTE PANCREATITIS CAN CAUSE SEVERE ABDOMINAL PAIN AND CAN BE FATAL. CHRONIC PANCREATITIS IS ASSOCIATED WITH CHRONIC PAIN, DIARRHEA, AND WEIGHT LOSS.

JUST AS A PLAIN NOTE, JOHN 10:10- GOD SAYS, "I CAME THAT THEY MAY HAVE LIFE, AND HAVE IT ABUNDANTLY." (NIV) IN USING ALCOHOL WE PARTICIPATE IN DESTROYING NOT ONLY OUR OWN LIFE BUT OFTEN THE LIVES OF OTHERS. GOD SAYS, IN ISAIAH 1:18, "COME NOW AND LET US REASON TOGETHER." WITH ALCOHOL USE WE TEMPORARILY AND PERMANENTLY STUPEFY OUR REASONING POWERS. SO, FOR A CHRISTIAN, IS IT DRINKABLE, OR UNTHINKABLE?

AT THE END OF THE DAY, I WOULD JUST ASK THE SIMPLE QUESTION:

IF JESUS SAW ME DO THIS, WOULD HE BE HAPPY THAT IWAS DOING IT IN HIS PRESENCE?

I AM NOT BEING JUDGMENTAL, BUT AS A PERSON WHO DOESNT DRINK, I HAD PEOPLE WHO HAS DONE IT, AND SOME HAVE GONE COLD TURKEY. OTHERS HAVENT.

BUT ON A ADVENTIST STANDPOINT, BESIDES ELLEN WHITE, I WOULDNT TOUCH IT.

I AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE.

=]