Tonight was a hard night for me. I felt tempted to go back to the old ways ( p and m), but God helped me to overcome. I'm getting married in under 5 months; 5 months! That's incredible! Part of me still can't believe it. Looking back through my blog posts, I wanted and longed for what I'm going to have soon. And I only have God to thank for that. I'm going to be Marie to a woman that lives me for me, even when I'm not lovable (which sometimes for me, feels 40% of the time). I can't understand the deep undercurrents of the love, but that's like God's love; so instead of deciphering it out, I'm accepting it and basking in it.
At the moment, I'm going through old pictures i had on my blackberry before I gave it to my mom and also on my phone. As I look through them, most are pictures of me and Naomi, and some aren't. When I see the ones of us, specially back in 2012, I laugh to myself because it was fresh then, 6 months in. To me, no one comes even close to Naomi; not Kim K (I only said her cos he's the first that came to my mind) or some other chick. God is showing me that she has to be first after Him, and that's rightly so.
So back to my reflections; which is what I'm doing. The last time I wrote about Naomi, there was a picture that captured her for me. So this is like a part 2 of that. She has been doing insanity for a while now and she's been getting fitter and fitter (in both definitions of the word or me :)) and I look back on what she was like before. She wasn't fat at all to me,(although she felt she was) but over time, she changed and became more And more beautiful, inside and out. Right now, I can see a picture of one the famous parts of her that I jest with her about. (She knows that it is).
And although I can't see her and gold her physically today, I will see her on Tuesday. More and more, I'm realizing that I can't live without her. Simply. It isn't sinful to say that because if I could, I wouldn't want to marry her. Straight to truth. Besides the sex, I want her for her. That's it. She's my other half; eve, etc etc. And by her 28th birthday, she'll be mine forever. And that's the game changer for me. The premarital counseling we have every Tuesday puts more solidly to me that I have a duty to make her first priority and me second. Whether in sex or money or whatever. But it's her responsibly to do the same. And we are both up for that. So I can't wait to put Into practice that which I've been waiting 8 years for (I've been want ken to be a family man since wrong 15 years old). So for me, it'll be one of my life goals for sure ticked off. The thing I desire God will help me to achieve.
No woman, porn or anything, will come between me and Naomi. Because Jesus has laid an example to love my spouse unconditionally, like He loves me. And that's what I'm going to do.
Can't wait.
