Some days are harder than the rest...

I have to admit, while im writing this, im crying. Which is funny because I usually don't cry unless i cant bear it anymore.

And i cant.

not right now.

being alone is hard. and its worse when there would be people around but they are gone. that emptiness thats inside right now, i cant explain it, and i dont want to in a sense.. God made me for socializing; and right now I wish He was right here, so i could at least have someone to talk with..

I feel weak; i feel like not myself.

And the worse thing is:

- I thought i could handle it.

I dont expect people to be around me always. They cant.

But now I understand what it means to feel sorrow inside. It hurts like an open wound.. why put on a brave face when its easier to let myself cry, and cry for all the foolishness ive done and for the hurt i committed to God and to others; to myself.

Noone's seen me like this; and in some weird way, noone will. only a few have seen me like this outside of my own family. some didnt know me that well so they couldnt be there for me.. some knew me better than i did, so they could.

I feel weak; funny that..