Some days are harder than the rest...

I have to admit, while im writing this, im crying. Which is funny because I usually don't cry unless i cant bear it anymore.

And i cant.

not right now.

being alone is hard. and its worse when there would be people around but they are gone. that emptiness thats inside right now, i cant explain it, and i dont want to in a sense.. God made me for socializing; and right now I wish He was right here, so i could at least have someone to talk with..

I feel weak; i feel like not myself.

And the worse thing is:

- I thought i could handle it.

I dont expect people to be around me always. They cant.

But now I understand what it means to feel sorrow inside. It hurts like an open wound.. why put on a brave face when its easier to let myself cry, and cry for all the foolishness ive done and for the hurt i committed to God and to others; to myself.

Noone's seen me like this; and in some weird way, noone will. only a few have seen me like this outside of my own family. some didnt know me that well so they couldnt be there for me.. some knew me better than i did, so they could.

I feel weak; funny that..

Its been a long time.. Much to say! :D

Well it has certainly been a while since I have blogged.. I should have done it more and more since i was in the first term, but i never got around to it..
Either way, as much as i can remember this is what happened since last time:
- The work wasnt too bad; ok the math wasnt anyway, physics and electrical science were a bit.
- Organization skills are improving, although I got to learn to sleep earlier.. :L
- Programming has definitively taken a step forward as well as Japanese =]
- Im nearly there to getting a house ! :D
- Nothing atm with women, bearing in mind I just got to know ppl.
- Work is good.
- Church is good; at first i thought it would be impossible to get to know people there, but as my friend said, its better to go with the flow than to rush things.

It was so good to be gone from uni for a bit. I got my railcard the day before I left, and the trip home was fun. I met Rosie when i got to town, went to her house then went home. The rest of my time back in Stevenage werent spend doing much. I saw Gabriel, Aaron and Ashley. I also saw David, Jordan and Rasheed, who gave me my 120 GB hard drive (thanks for that Rasheed! :D ).

I also realized how far I need to change to be closer to God. I see the flaws and I want to change. The sermon was good, and I was glad that I did it; Many people wished me happy birthday :D Personally, now that I am here, I cant wait to go back to Reading, because I have all my stuff up there. Even though it is going to be difficult getting back, I will get back since I need to go to work.

:D

Thats about it for now =]

Its been so long

Since I wrote on this.. So much has happened..

Freshers Week was amazing.. signed up to video games society and lockpicking(of which i only attended once) and I got a job at B and Q which is very good for me!

Also now i started going to my new home church Reading Whitley. Its really nice and the people are nice to me. Also i met some new Adventists at the uni as well, which is good for me.

it seems that now that i am writing this, it will be brief because at the moment that certain events happened, it doesnt have the same impact now. all in all, there have been tough weeks,(losing a friend) and awesome weeks (meeting new ones and discovering new things).

one of the great things i am finding is that i love my independence. i really do. and everyday i cherish it because not many people have it.

i am doing better with my japanese and guitar. loads of people want me to teach them how to play so thats cool :P

sometimes i miss my home, well mom really.. and other friends who are at other unis.. but this is how it is now..

i am here to make new friends and let the others mature as well.

and i am here to make the full use of my time here and let God do what He wants.

also at the last vgs(video game society), i owned at soul calibur: total 30-4. :D ^^.