Some things You dont see coming... =]

If i am truly honest to myself, the last couple of days werent the best in the life of me; i felt like utter death due to my cold, i had trouble thinking straight about clear issues, and to top it off, i thought my relationship was going a bit south.
all due to me.
but you know what?
sleep is a good stress reliever.
also staying up late doesnt help either.
so kicking that habit.
one month today. Noice.
so much work to do today; i think it was good that we didnt see each other at the moment, because we have so much to do.
plus unless she wants to meet my ex in town today, then that would have been slightly awkward.
she is something else;
both God and Satan knows this; the latter wants me to think of what was tormenting my brain last night;
this morning however God took control.
I remember that God has the reign and I let Him do His job.
therefore, i force myself to not think about the negative side of her. but the good only.
it isnt being naive, although sometimes the Devil does tempt me to be skeptical of everything.
I am being true.
I want her to be happy, so we must both do our best revising.
I just take it one day at a time.
And I love it.
Talking later, as now is time for EP!! :D

things start to look up when you stop looking down

i gotta tell you... part of me thought
"is this the end? for us? for me? did come all this way to lose it out?"
i gotta thank God it wasnt so.
the Devil surely wanted me to hate. to feel resentment. bitterness. anger. malice.
but God had other plans.
i love her because God helps me to love her.
He reminds me of His love for me; and He can love me, why if she made a mistake, i cant love her?
am i better than God Himself?
that question is already answered.
I love her.
even if i have to spend every day telling her that. every hour. every minute.
i wouldnt stop.
because tonight was a test of love. a test of true love that stands hardship.
will it fade away, and be false? or will it be true as stirling?
and i realised something..
i passed.

I cant say i am feeling good right now

nope.
not at all.
and it all stemmed from one conversation.
i went from feeling slighty good to down right cold and indifferent.
and it hurts.
especially because she said it to me; things i didnt want to hear; that i couldnt help but hear; that confirmed things that i didnt want to hear. or did it?
her words were like the sharpest arrows to my already bleeding heart, each word piercing deeper and deeper.
til it felt like i had no longer a inkling of our togetherness.
let me tell you.
it didnt tickle.
it didnt feel nice.
she led me to a side of her, where i wanted to avoid.
well tonight..
i got to see it.
and i wonder if everything will be the same again.
i so want it to be the normality and not this nightmare i seemed to have been plunged into.