I just thought about something that is really important in my life..
i mean over the past couple of days and maybe weeks, i havent been what i should have been..
and i realised that i have gone off track with God.
He knows it.
I know it.
Simple.
But when i stop and realise, "hey this world isnt all there is to it" that i realise that i need to change.
problem: i cant.
not by myself.
i love what i do.
but i have to change.
and i want to change.
but i cant. by myself.
so what do i do?
I need God.
Only He can stop me from having the dark desires i crave and want, and to turn me around fully and to stop me doing them..
another thing i realise is that this life is nothing.
its in a sense.. worthless..
i say that because of what is coming up after this..
eternity..
and whether or not i want to think about it, it is going to happen..
100 years is going to seem like nothing in contrast to a yajillion years(made up word i know but still!)
and then.. even then.. Jesus will just say, "its not even begun yet!"
i want to live eternally..
there are things on this planet i always wanted to do, but havent done..
proper horse riding..
swimming(yea, i know i can do it here, but still...)
play with sharks =]
fly and such :D
the Devil just wants to distract me with this life, so that i dont prepare for the other one..
and i gotta say, i fell for it, playing games like halo and such..
i thought "woo. this is the life".
uh no.
as much as i loved those games, i want to hate them like i used to.
i told someone that i wouldnt do something, then i started doing it again.
and they were like, how come u told me u wasnt yet you are doing it again?
and i couldnt answer it..
some crap answer i gave, but it wasnt a good one..
its time for me to stop being 2 sided about this christianity.
especially as uni is approaching..
i need to decide whose side i am going to be on.
God's. or Satan's.
My life depends on that answer..
other thing i thought about was what was i going to do about this situation with jodi.
i mean personally, i want to talk to her.. but i also ask if i am truly ready to do so..
at times i think i am ready to do so.
hmm.
only time can tell, and how i feel about it then..
besides that..
nothing else at the moment..
Is the person that you refer to Me?
ReplyDelete=D
I know what you mean man. I'm not that religious as you know, the belief in God is there but thats as far as that goes..
You on the other hand have had a pretty stringent upbringing when it comes to religion, hence your views are definitely going to be that way inclined.
Anyway...
Life is not just a test from God it is also a test for you... Life is a leaning experience where we must find our own level or morals to live by..
=)
Thats not bad coming from a Guy thats as depressed as I am... on the inside anyway
Think about it man
And you with Jodi...
Well I say talk to her... it has always worked for me... Maybe I would never be in the situation I'm in now if I had never voiced my heart to her... If you know what I mean...
Dude... You are neither on God's nor Satan's side, they are mere spectators of your life that you choose to be influenced by... You are a good person regardless of the games you choose to play... your definitions are made by you you'll always have that power :) don't you forget it...
as for me well, I'm just a mess lol
and we'll leave it at that...